– If I notice that he has a bad attitude. That he is not nice to others. Then Betina Trollsås (22) loses interest. She attends the television school at Høgskolen i Innlandet, and is currently without a boyfriend. But what can you do if you want a good date – which might turn out to be something more…? Research on dating Last autumn, researchers from the University of Cyprus published a total of 69 “dealbreakers” for those who flirt. In other words, reasons why the flirtation does not lead. Marius Stavang, psychologist and researcher at NTNU, says that the picture looks quite similar in Norway. – The findings in the study fit well with what we know about flirting and dating in general. DEALBREAKER: You get nowhere with dishonesty – and smoking is completely out of the question for Betina. Photo: Aleksandr Nedbaev / news Red flag… or red card? Betina Trollsås has no plans for Valentine’s Day. She’s not really that keen on having anything to do this particular day. But if Betina is still going to imagine a dream date, she would like to be a bit serious. With plenty of room for humour. – I think it must be that he has set something up, that he has put some work into it. Do something fun, but at the same time have a chat. Betina Trollsås (22) Best dating tips: Minigolf Dealbreaker: Bad hygieneValentinesday – yay or nay: Nn-yaay..? A “red flag” means there is a problem. As is well known, red flags warn of “danger”. But, as is well known, love can be blind. As a result, you can miss the danger signals, or perhaps you choose to interpret them more positively than you should. “Dealbreakers” on the other hand – “dealbreakers” are more like a red card. Then it’s over-and-out, there and then! The love triangle The researchers have asked almost a thousand people what reasons they have for rejecting the other party. There were 69 reasons that stood out. Participants answered how likely it was that each reason would make them rule out that the flirting would lead to something. A slippery approach, poor hygiene and not showing exclusive interest proved to be among the least attractive. Dealbreakers – this is what the researchers believe we don’t want Vulgar language such as rude and weak vocabulary, irony and a lack of good manners. Unfortunate appearance such as an unattractive body, poor dressing style and the way you walk. Excessive intimacy such as being close, touching and too challenging clothing. Lack of intelligence such as stupid comments, blank stares and being boring. Narcissism such as being too confident, being too self-absorbed, working too hard to impress and making negative comments about others. Lack of humor and low self-esteem which shows in bad jokes and not smiling. Greediness such as expecting to split the bill or not wanting to pay. Poor hygiene such as bad body odour, rotten teeth and bad breath. Sleazy approach such as comments on appearance, sexist comments or being rude. Different views on matters or poor communication. Lack of exclusive interest such as looking at others, appearing disinterested, preoccupied with the phone or constantly interrupting. Source: What constitutes bad flirting: An exploratory study of dealbreakers Yann BelovBest dating tips: Outdoor activities like hiking Dealbreaker: Doesn’t burn for anything Valentinesday – yay and nay: Nay if it goes without saying that I have to pay Cassandra Elise Edvardsen Nilsen (26) Best dating tips: Do an activity together Dealbreaker: Clean shavenValentinesday – yay or nay: Nay Dealbreakers are really the opposite of what we like, says Marius Stavang. According to Marius Stavang, there is quite a lot that needs to happen to find true love. – We are looking to fulfill a kind of triangle. What we call the love triangle. In the triangle, you find passion and desire in one corner, and friendship and chemistry in the other. The third element is the willingness to commit. NOT SURPRISED: The study has found that the opposite of what we usually find attractive is unattractive to us. – We know that humor is very nice to have with you when flirting, says Stavang. Stavang believes that Valentine’s Day can be an opportunity to let go a little more. – I think Valentine’s Day is a golden opportunity and I recommend people throw themselves into it. Valentine’s Day can therefore be the day to find a partner. But how can you avoid your Valentine raising the “red flag”? Jens-Olav Ørpen Hausken (23) Best dating tip: Take your date on an experience Dealbreaker: Don’t like natureValentinesday – yay or nay: NayFrida Aune (27) Best dating tip: Do something where you can talk togetherDealbreaker: Negative energyValentinesday – yay or nay: Yay “Crash course” for you who are going on a date Simone Quist Mathiesen is a dating expert in Happn – the dating app that promises it’s worth it! They have conducted a survey among their users to find out what are “red flags”. – Most people say that check lines that repeat themselves all the time are a big no-go. It is not something that motivates or inspires. This particularly applies to crude and sexualized check lines, explains the dating expert. In general, she believes you should limit check lines to those that are personal and stand out. GOOD CHANCES FOR NEW ACQUAINTANCES: Norwegian singles are very keen on dates, says Mathiesen. She has seen that activity on the dating app increases after Christmas and New Year. – It’s a bit like people kick-start their own lives at the start of the new year. Photo: PRESS PHOTO / PR OPERATORS Mathiesen has several tips for you who are looking for happiness online. First of all: Look at the profile and use the information that is actually there. Then you show that you are interested and it becomes a little more personal. Mathisen encourages you to start a conversation, preferably with a bit of humour. She believes that simply writing “hello” does not bring much success. The dating expert’s three suggestions for tonight’s date If you want an active date, you can invite a skiing or skating date. For “bambi on the ice”, there can be good opportunities to hold hands. Make it nice and invite to Valentine’s dinner at home. To make a little extra out of it, you can sign up for an online course to challenge yourself. Pull out mattresses, duvets and pillows, and invite to a home cinema. A romantic comedy is recommended, but a thriller can be an option for those who want a bit of pawing. Espen Bye (24)Best dating tip: Travel on a photo tour Dealbreaker: SmackingValentinesday – yay or nay: NayIselin Elvira Krogh Spolèn (23)Best dating tip: Brush your teeth and smile Dealbreaker: Long toenailsValentinesday – yay or nay: Yay Known and loved love For everyone in a relationship, Marius Stavang believes it is important to give love attention. – It may be possible to use Valentine’s Day to develop what couple therapists call “shared meaning”. Then it might be a good idea to ask yourself questions such as: What should our relationship be about? What kind of life will we create together? What did we fall for when we met? Simone Quist Mathiesen encourages couples to ask themselves if they really want to go out on Valentine’s Day. Perhaps you might as well go on a date the following day – and create your own day. IT WORKED: Espen Bye (24) invited Frida Aune (27) on a photo trip. – It gives you many opportunities to make compliments, he says. Frida remembers being “a bit put off” by all the compliments. Photo: Aleksandr Nedbaev / news Everyday romance If Betina were to see a romantic comedy, she would choose Notting Hill. But it must not happen exactly on Valentine’s Day. – The most important thing is to appreciate each other in everyday life, not just one day a year, she smiles. THOUGHT EXPERIMENT “WHEN I’M 50” …: Then Betina imagines an evening at home with her husband where he has cooked dinner. – Steak and the whole package there, she laughs. It may be nice if he has bought flowers, but the most important thing is that he has set aside time. – Time is important to me. Photo: Aleksandr Nedbaev / news news draws attention to the fact that Cassandra Elise Edvardsen Nilsen and Frida Aune are on-call substitutes at news.
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Valentine’s Day celebrates love – scientists know what we don’t want – news Innlandet – Local news, TV and radio
