The case in summary Family therapist Sandra Elizabeth Furset warns against divorced parents celebrating Christmas together if they are in conflict, even if the children want it. Several family welfare offices are experiencing increased traffic from divorced parents who need help to resolve the Christmas celebration. Furset advises parents to find out what is feasible for themselves, and not reach out to celebrate together if that is not possible. Psychologist Eva Tryti agrees that it may be unwise for many divorced people to celebrate together, and recommends seeking help from a third party if you want to change a visitation agreement. Professionals recommend having a visitation agreement for predictability and calmness, acknowledging the children’s feelings, and using the whole Christmas period to create good moments with the children. The summary is made by an AI service from OpenAI. The content is quality assured by news’s journalists before publication. – Many parents believe that celebrating together is the right thing to do. But when the parents are in a conflict, it’s not a good idea, even if the children want it, says Sandra Elizabeth Furset. She is a family therapist and head of the family protection office in Vest-Agder. – It can be unwise to put on a mask if you are not sure that you will be able to hold it. It will affect the children, says Sandra Elizabeth Furset. Now, several of the family welfare offices in the big cities are experiencing an increased influx of divorced parents who need help to solve the Christmas celebration. A little further down in the matter, you will get good advice on how to get together at Christmas. According to family therapist Sandra Elizabeth Furset, celebrating Christmas together as a divorce is something that doesn’t always work. Photo: Kjetil Samuelsen / news Celebrating together Even though most divorcees have agreements on the distribution of visits at Christmas, obstacles can appear. – Many people come into conflict with themselves and their ex when the children say they want to celebrate Christmas with both parents, says Furset. She advises parents to find out what is feasible for them. – There are families who manage to be together, and that’s good. But, celebrating together is not something everyone should strive for. The parents may feel that it is difficult whether to take care of themselves or the children. – Some go to great lengths to have a nice Christmas Eve together, and manage it well. Others may experience the celebration completely opposite and not want to repeat it, says Furset. Figures from Statistics Norway show that 8,513 couples divorced in 2023. Read also: Do you need tips for creative children’s birthday parties? Get creative tips in this matter. Who are you going to celebrate Christmas with? The whole family celebrates together I celebrate with the children, but without the ex I celebrate with the ex and the children I celebrate alone without the children Show result Would celebrate with both The parents of Celina Moland Kaste from Risør divorced when she was six years old. Then she and her brother started celebrating Christmas every other year at their parents’ house. – I felt a little nauseous and felt sick to my stomach with a guilty conscience every Christmas, she says. Soon she will become a mother herself for the first time. She has clear opinions about what she would do if it were her children who had to change homes at Christmas. – I was never asked how I thought it was to change homes every year. I believe that parents should put on a mask and put their own feelings aside, she concludes. – Hope they become lovers There are also several parents who dread celebrating alone. Many people try to avoid it. – Some people think that the right thing is to celebrate together even if you are divorced. But, in conversations with us, few choose this, says Sandra Elizabeth Furset. She believes that it can be confusing for some children whose divorced parents are together on Christmas Eve. – Children can start to hope that their parents will become lovers again when they see that they are nice to each other at Christmas, she says. Share your advice on how you resolve spending time together and celebrating Christmas a little further down in the matter. Psychologist Eva Tryti agrees with family therapist Sandra Elizabeth Furset that it can be unwise to celebrate too many signs together. – The children probably think they are absolutely great, but for many parents it is not okay to have to stretch yourself emotionally in that way. When you are divorced, most people will find it too difficult, she says. According to her, a visitation agreement that worked last year can be difficult the following year. – If you want a new arrangement, seek help from a third party. Conflict can easily arise when one party wants to change the agreement, says Tryti. Psychologist Eva Tryti often has conversations with parents who need comfort and guidance. She believes that divorced people should not celebrate Christmas together if there are conflicts or hurt feelings between them. Photo: Per-Kåre Sandbakk / news This is how you can survive the Christmas celebration, according to the professionals: Have an agreement A visitation agreement contributes to predictability and peace for both parents and children. The children’s needs Try to put yourself in the child’s situation without letting your own needs, hopes, wishes or feelings take up too much space. Missing is normal Acknowledge the children’s feelings. It is important to be allowed to miss the other parent. Use the Christmas days Christmas is long, and there are many opportunities to create good moments of Christmas magic with the children, even if you don’t celebrate Christmas Eve together. Hello! Welcome to dialogue at news. Since you are logged in to other news services, you do not have to log in again here, but we need your consent to our terms of use for online dialogue Published 08.12.2024, at 18.58
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