{"id":14416,"date":"2022-09-20T19:05:20","date_gmt":"2022-09-20T19:05:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/teknomers.com\/en\/silje-raped-a-man-news-vestfold-and-telemark-local-news-tv-and-radio\/"},"modified":"2022-09-20T19:05:21","modified_gmt":"2022-09-20T19:05:21","slug":"silje-raped-a-man-news-vestfold-and-telemark-local-news-tv-and-radio","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/teknomers.com\/en\/silje-raped-a-man-news-vestfold-and-telemark-local-news-tv-and-radio\/","title":{"rendered":"“Silje” raped a man – news Vestfold and Telemark – Local news, TV and radio"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

The evening had been nice, with a party and a good atmosphere. For the first time, “Silje” and her flirt were to sleep in the same room. They weren’t a couple, but it was in the cards that this might become something more. – He was a piece of shit. I had only taken a couple of shots, so I wasn’t particularly affected. Then we went to bed, started messing around, without clothes, says “Silje”. Here the story could have had a completely different ending. But the turn this night took began to haunt her a couple of years ago. It’s been over ten years, and she hasn’t shared her thoughts with anyone, until now. – I have told my partner, I have told you and I have told my psychologist. I haven’t actually told anyone else. Everything else that happens in my life is known to most people around me, because I am like an open book. But this very thing … She stops. – Do you think anyone thinks it is strange that you choose to go out and talk about this? – Yes, I think so, because it is taboo. Because I think some people don’t think it’s okay to rape a man. – Kjempekl\u00f8nete We call her “Silje”, but her name is actually something else. She lives in \u00d8stlandet, and news has met her in connection with this interview. She hopes her story can contribute to more men daring to tell that they have experienced sexual harassment and abuse. She has a bad conscience for what happened, and wants to break the taboo that women can also rape. – Women can also rape, it’s not just men who do it, says “Silje”. Life after the rape was debauched, and she constantly had new partners. “Silje” was used to her body being the only thing valuable to men. She remembers what happened that night as clumsy. Because in the middle of the passionate kiss, the man that “Silje” was so engrossed in fell asleep. – Then I had the idea then, that all men want to have sex, at all times. So I tried to complete an intercourse. I tried to satisfy him, even though he was sleeping. And maybe myself. There was nothing more, and she went to sleep. The next day, everything seemed fine, according to “Silje”. – He might have been a bit quiet, but it could have been drunk. – What I thought was normal, wasn’t After that day, contact between them gradually disappeared. There were some text messages back and forth. – I tried to make contact, but in the end I never got hold of him again. Only now does she think she has understood why. “Silje” has never spoken to this man again. Only a decade later, when “Silje” met her current husband, did she open her eyes to what had happened. The new man taught “Silje” to set boundaries. He said “no” to sex when he didn’t feel like it. And he respected that she did the same. – There was no fuss, or “come on, then”. It was just “okay” and it was so unusual. That’s when it dawned on “Silje”. All of her previous intimate experience was transgressive. – What I thought was normal, was not. I realized that of course that’s the way it should be, of course a no is a no. – What happened was wrong The only thing “Silje” knows is that the man she raped has not reported her. She thinks that maybe it’s not so strange either. – I understand that very well, because it is terribly taboo for a man to be raped by a woman. She has been thinking that maybe she should contact him again. At the same time, she doesn’t know if it would have made things better. – I don’t know if he thinks it was an assault. – Have you thought about talking to him? – Maybe it would have been a liberation for him, to get an acknowledgment that what happened was wrong. Perhaps it would have been to scratch a wound, which really does not need to be done anything more. Maybe he lives well and fine where he is now. – You know nothing about him? – No nothing. I don’t remember his last name either. I have a first name and place. As “Silje” has no more information about the man, news has not succeeded in making contact with him either. Therefore, this story only has one side. That men can also be raped was something that “Silje” never considered as possible. And she is unsure whether she deserves punishment. – Big dark numbers There are more people than “Silje” who need more knowledge about men’s sex drive. General manager, Ingvild Hestad Torkelsen, experiences this at the free help service Nok. Norway. According to Torkelsen, it is a common misconception that men are more sexual than women. She believes it is time to recognize that men also have limits. – Men can be physically bigger and stronger, and one might expect them to be able to set limits. That they do not experience it in the same way, because they have a different physique. Torkelsen says that men they have spoken to say that they are ridiculed. – It’s something that people still joke about. Some men say “if you’ve been abused, you’re lucky”. There is a lot of banter, which does not contribute to greater openness or safe spaces for men. KNOW TOO LITTLE: Even in a large study with over two thousand male participants, there were so few men who reported rape that we do not have enough information to describe any pattern when it comes to relationships with abusers, says Ingvild Hestad Torkelsen in Nok. Norway. Photo: Nok. Norway There is reason to believe that there are large hidden figures for assaults on men, according to Torkelsen. – There is a reason why people refuse to tell. How are you greeted, will people believe me, or will they laugh it off a bit? The fear of how it will be received probably makes many people wait. Therefore, it means a lot for men to be able to read about other people’s experiences, to know that others have experienced the same thing as them, says Torkelsen. She believes it is important to learn lessons, as “Silje” has done. – It is very nice that she acknowledges what she has done, that she dares to put it into words, and learn from it. Will look at the issue At the end of August, a new Men’s Committee was set up, which will, among other things, look at the taboo of men who are exposed to sexual violence. Both when it comes to violence and exposure to violence, but also sexual harassment. Torkelsen is excited to see what they come up with. – I am very happy that all three points are part of that mandate. You don’t want men to be subjected to sexual abuse, and you don’t want them to be abusers either. The committee will be chaired by Claus Moxnes Jervell. He believes that sexual violence is serious abuse, and that everyone who experiences this should be offered help. – Our job in the Men’s Committee is to bring out the knowledge we have about boys and men who are affected, and propose measures so that they get help, says Jervell. The mandate of the Men’s Committee states the following; “Men are also exposed to sexual violence, but research indicates that sexual abuse is highly taboo for men, and that men exposed to sexual violence face particular barriers to seeking help.” Are you a victim of sexual assault? Here you can get help: Various aid organizations you can contact: – I’m ashamed Back in the living room at “Silje’s” house, the emotional ball of chaos rolls on. When asked whether she herself thinks she deserves punishment for what she did, she has doubts. – I don’t know if this has affected him at all. But if it has, then it is terribly unfair that there have been no consequences. So in a sense, yes. At the same time, I feel that I have been influenced by strange societal norms, around men and sex. That rape is always about women. The fact that she has lived almost limitlessly at the start of her adult life should not be an excuse for what she has done, says “Silje” herself. Now she hopes her openness can lead to more men daring to say “yes, I’ve experienced that”. – I am ashamed that I have done it. I’m embarrassed that I didn’t know better. I’m embarrassed that I’m sitting here saying “no, I don’t deserve punishment”. I am embarrassed that I blame society, but at the same time I feel entitled to it. She describes her feelings as “hugely conflicting”, and as a “ball of chaos”. – We are talking about a gray zone rape, although I don’t like that term. Rape is rape. But we are talking about a situation that could have been nice. But as I, out of ignorance, stepped over a line. She perceives that the attitude in society suggests that all men always want sex. – Men shouldn’t say no, they should feel like it at any time, and we have to stop that. Society needs to stop doing that. Sexual assault against men: 11 percent of men had been subjected to sexual assault, 9 percent of all women and 1 percent of all men over the age of 18 had been subjected to rape at least once in their lives. Of 199 men, 79 per cent did not report abuse, 16 per cent of the abuse was reported. For comparison, 1,401 women\/girls who had experienced abuse were registered. 61 percent chose not to report, while 28 percent were reported. Those who answered that the case(s) had not been reported could elaborate on this in an open answer. Many answered here that they did not want to make a review, or that they considered making a review\/were not ready to make a review. Among those who gave further reasons, most stated stress and fear. Some said that they were not believed, or thought the case would be dropped. Furthermore, several exposed circumstances surrounding their own reaction, such as that they had repressed\/not fully understood the situation, feelings of guilt and shame, and that they did not want anyone to know about it. Sources: Norwegian Institute of Public Health and Bufdir Do you have thoughts on the matter or suggestions for other things we should check out? Please send me an email.
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The evening had been nice, with a party and a good atmosphere. For the first time, “Silje” and her flirt were to sleep in the same room. They weren’t a couple, but it was in the cards that this might become something more. – He was a piece of shit. I had only taken a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":14417,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[151,130,16,152,3833,430,235,230],"class_list":["post-14416","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-general","tag-local","tag-man","tag-news","tag-radio","tag-raped","tag-silje","tag-telemark","tag-vestfold"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/teknomers.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14416","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/teknomers.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/teknomers.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/teknomers.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/teknomers.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14416"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/teknomers.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14416\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/teknomers.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14417"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/teknomers.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14416"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/teknomers.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14416"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/teknomers.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14416"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}