Dating in these modern, digital times can be quite an ordeal. It can offer exciting experiences, but also some of a more unpleasant nature. To help women steer clear of certain men, a network of Facebook groups called “Are we dating the same guy?” has sprung up. From the administrators’ side, it is clear that the group was created for women to protect each other – because who doesn’t want to be warned against an asshole? – Everyone knows about the “Tinder scammer”. Could he have been stopped earlier with a group like this at the time? they ask. A typical post in such a group contains a picture of a guy – either asking if anyone has anything to share about the guy (with whom you are flirting), or with a clear warning that you should stay away from him here 🚩 The first of these groups was established in New York in March last year, and since then groups have been established in Los Angeles, Paris, Sydney, London, Dubai and Berlin, among others. In January, the Norwegian edition came out. This currently has 5,300 members, and has increased by almost 1,300 members in the last week alone. Periodic disclosure In the Facebook group, there are clear guidelines, among other things, that it is only allowed to share the picture, first name and place of residence of the men. All details about why this guy might not be something to bet on should go over direct messages. Nevertheless, it is no secret that a number of men get their passports signed in the comment fields. news has seen several photos of men with full names in the group. According to Mashable, this occasional release has led to some joining the group just for entertainment – like the lady next door who is looking for a bit of gossip. Photo: Screenshot from Facebook Everything from comments that “he is a round burner” to serious accusations are shared on the page. When one of news’s journalists sent a direct message to request information about a person, she got back everything from allegations of rape to information about various imprisonments. Photo: Screenshot from Facebook. It is strictly forbidden to share content from “Are we dating the same guy?”. So if someone happens to know someone mentioned in the group and chooses to tell him about this, they will be banned. This means that most men live in uncertainty. “Petter” was one of them – until news got in touch. – No opportunity to defend myself. Petter has had his picture shared, in addition to his full name, in the group. Apparently there is someone he has matched with on Tinder who wants to check if he is an okay chick. – I was shocked and a bit put out, actually. I wasn’t aware that such groups even existed, he says. – It is unpleasant to know that people can talk about me behind my back. After all, I have no opportunity to defend myself, explain or elaborate on what may be written about me. – There can be a lot of rumors that are completely untrue on that side, about me and other men. That doesn’t seem right to me at all. The fact that someone shares information about you on such a page also rules out the possibility of being able to start with a blank slate with someone new, points out Petter. This is not a reference to “Petter”, but an example of what can be said about certain men in the group. Photo: Screenshot from Facebook He understands the need to research the person you are dating, but believes that the best way to get to know someone is to actually get to know them in real life. – I think everyone is very curious about people they wish to enter into a romantic relationship with, but there is a limit to how much you can share about other people on the internet without them being informed about it, he says. – This is probably where the problem lies; that they are not aware of it, and that consent has not been given. Want positive experiences to be shared The administrators behind the Norwegian edition of “Are we dating the same guy?” writes to news that the group also exists to be able to tell about a good experience you have had on a date or similar: – The group is therefore both for positive and negative experiences, generally everything about dating and life as a woman! When asked how they ensure that false rumors and false claims are not posted, they reply that each post must be approved by an administrator. In addition, they delete comments that are “not lucky”. If the rules are not followed, you risk being thrown out of the group. – If someone feels violated or singled out, you have every right to let them know, if you ask for a picture to be removed, this must happen immediately. Regarding the case of Petter, the administrator writes that it is difficult to comment on his case, since they do not know which dating profile he is behind or which (nick)name he uses. – This should not appear as a personal attack. It is also important to show how many posts we have had that have produced good results – where information that has come to light could have prevented very bad situations. The Danish Data Protection Agency: – A gaping stick Director of Communications in the Danish Data Protection Agency Janne Stang Dahl understands well that Petter is reacting to being identified in the closed Facebook group. – He is being hanged and exposed without even knowing it. It acts as a gap stick. Although it is a closed group, it is easy to share the information with others. Dahl says she understands the idea behind “Are we dating the same guy?” and that people share experiences with each other. But, when it comes out on a social arena like Facebook, there are other requirements. – If the information is shared in private messages, it is not so intrusive. But if it is published in a group, the privacy rules may come into play. There are a lot of legal nuances here, so it is difficult to say exactly what is legal and what is not legal. But based on the story Petter tells, it is quite clear that he can demand that the picture of him be removed. – Even if you have been there and perhaps experienced something painful and upsetting, it is not free to give someone’s personal information to others, says Janne Stang Dahl in the Norwegian Data Protection Authority. Photo: Ilja C. Hendel – How should you proceed if you become aware that you are lying on a website like this? – First you should contact the person who published it, if you know who it is. The next thing is to contact the group’s administrator and ask to be removed immediately. It is a right you have. Dahl says that if the publication is perceived as grossly offensive, it is possible to report it to the police. You can also lodge a complaint with the Norwegian Data Protection Authority.
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Women warn against certain men with a red flag in a closed Facebook group – news Trøndelag
