– I had tears in my eyes several times when I was shown around. In the evening, I went to bed here and thought that there was a child lying here who could have been me, says Heidi Skuterud (48). She is a senior manager in a law firm who, among other things, volunteers for the Stine Sofie Center. Recently, she herself stayed at the center in connection with a seminar. There she told her story to a hundred employees who work closely with children in crisis. Heidi was between 10 and 12 years old when the abuse started. She has repressed a lot and therefore does not remember exactly how old she was. The abuse lasted until confirmation age. Today, she cannot understand why she did not tell her mother about the abuse sooner. – I couldn’t see a way out. Today I have accepted that I was not able to speak up before and that it was not my fault. According to the verdict, the person behind the assaults was sentenced to eight months in prison, four of which were suspended. Heidi Skuterud says that the hardest thing for her after the assaults has been getting rid of the guilt. Photo: Heidi Ditlefsen / news – Had I probably not felt so alone Heidi wishes that the Stine Sofie Center had existed when, as a 14-year-old, she told her mother about the sexual abuse she had been subjected to by someone close to her. – Then I probably wouldn’t have felt so alone, different and unsuccessful. I had also made lifelong friends that I could talk to to process it. Heidi works at the law firm Wikborg Rein. For the past year and a half, the firm has worked pro bono for Stine Sofie’s Foundation, including with legal guidance and with the annual report of the Children’s Accident Investigation Board. Heidi was interviewed by psychologist specialist Stian Tobiassen. She says it was special to share her story, but that it was nice to see that people in the hall were touched. Photo: Sten Edvard Eriksen Already early in the collaboration, the 48-year-old expressed that she was willing to share her story if it could help others. – I have never told my story to so many people before, but it means something to me to help others who are in the same situation, she says. Sexual abuse More than 1 in 5 Norwegian women state that they have been exposed to some form of sexual abuse before the age of 18. Among men, too, a significant proportion, almost 1 in 10, experienced being exposed to sexual abuse in childhood. On average, it takes 17 years before a person who has been sexually assaulted tells someone. The survey shows that the biggest reason why people do not tell about sexual abuse is fear of not being believed. Then, that they feel it is their fault and that they have repressed the abuse. Source: Bufdir, Study by Iris M. Steine and others, Welfare Research Institute NOVA. Skuterud is concerned that children and young people who experience abuse receive good and appropriate help. She didn’t get that herself, according to her. – I received good help from my mother and those closest to me, but the aid apparatus was absent. She had a few sessions with a social worker who expressed that Heidi was not reacting as she should. The teenager went to school every day and did well there. – Every time I went to the social worker I just felt like a complete failure. That led to me entering a long phase where I repressed what I had experienced. It wasn’t until she was of confirmation age that Heidi told her mother what she had experienced. Photo: Private Filling a void For Heidi, it was special to visit the Stine Sofie Center for the first time. She believes it would have made a difference if she had received a similar offer 30 years ago. – I don’t think I would have gotten that far down in the basement. Because I had a strong fear of death and was very low mentally at the beginning of my 20s. For me it was just about existing, she says. Do you need to talk to someone after reading this story? Acute suicide risk? Call 113 when it is urgent and your life is at stake. Call the emergency room on tel. 116117 for immediate assistance. On your municipality’s website, you can see which low-threshold offers are available where you live. Other support services: The 48-year-old believes that the Stine Sofie Center fills a void in the public support services. She is surprised that many children and young people who are in the same situation as she was are not getting better help, now 30 years later. – It is worse than I had thought. To hear that a device is not automatically ready shocks me. For Heidi, it is impressive to see the dragons that symbolize the five emotions disgust, fear, anger, joy and sorrow. Photo: Heidi Ditlefsen / news Want more help for relatives Heidi also thinks it would have been invaluable for her mother to meet other parents in the same situation. – Then she could get a network around her to handle it. She believes that those who are close to someone who is exposed to abuse should get more help. – In my case it was a mother. More help for relatives is also of great help to the child. This help is often completely absent and can lead to the topic becoming taboo even within the family, says Heidi. Her second message is that people around, including the aid system, must meet children who have been abused with openness and curiosity. – Many are unsure and it can be experienced as a rejection for a child. If you are unsure, express it. For example, you can say “I don’t know what to do now, but what do you need?” Live a good life Stian Tobiassen is a psychologist specialist and responsible for professional development at the Stine Sofie Center. He believes that Heidi’s story shows that everyone, in all walks of life, can be affected by abuse. – At the same time, Heidi is an example that things can go well. There is hope. She had people around her who believed in her and supported her, says Tobiassen. For Heidi, it is important to show that there is a way out of the bad. Heidi looks at old Donald magazines in the library at Stine Sofie Senteret. – This is from 1991. I was 15 then and could have been here, she says thoughtfully. On the left, psychologist specialist Stian Tobiassen. Photo: Heidi Ditlefsen / news She herself went through a mental breakdown in her early 20s, but received good help over a long period of time. She learned methods to sort and manage memories, thoughts and feelings. Today she lives a good life. She is married and has two adult children aged 18 and 21. – For others who have experienced the same as me, it is important to know that there is a way out, even when it looks the bleakest, says Heidi Skuterud. Hello! Do you have any tips related to this matter? Feel free to send me an email!
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Was exposed to sexual abuse as a child – now she works for Stine Sofie Senteret – news Sørlandet – Local news, TV and radio
