The case in summary – The next of kin’s effort is equivalent to 136,000 man-years. It is just as much as the municipality’s health services. – Relatives of the mentally ill and drug addicts can be more demanding than for other groups. even so as not to get sick themselves. – Professional consultant Inger Grødem points out that it is voluntary how much one wants to contribute as relatives of adults, but many feel a moral responsibility. The summary is made by an AI service from OpenAi. The content is quality assured by news’s journalists before publication. news has chosen to call her “Tonje” out of consideration for her and her family. Ever since she was a child, she felt ashamed that her mother was not like other mothers. At times the mother was completely absent because she had to be hospitalized. As she got older, she realized that her mother was mentally ill. A diagnosis the mother has never agreed with. That in itself has been difficult for Tonje to cope with. Tonje still misses a mother with whom she can talk about nice things she experiences. Photo: Mette Stensholt Schau / news – The sadness I have felt is that she should have been here. She would have been here now, if she hadn’t been so ill, says Tonje about missing a mother who was able to participate in her life. As an adult, she has chosen to set some limits to take care of herself. Among other things, she has moved from her home place. It can also be a shame. – Am I a good enough daughter? she asks herself. Among other things, she found strength in courses with other relatives. Not alone A survey by the Relatives’ Alliance shows that relatives’ efforts correspond to 136,000 man-years. How to help yourself Sort what you can do something about and what you have to live with. Be open with those closest to you Think about your own health – sleep and rest are important Try to maintain contact with your network Say yes to help – even when you think you don’t need it Talk to others who have had similar experiences Focus on what you can achieve – don’t do what you can’t handle Source: Relatives’ center in Norway Once a month, relatives of mentally ill and drug addicts meet in Larvik’s relative center. There they can talk openly about everything. The themes include loneliness, taking care of yourself and the feeling of shame. There are also professionals involved. They learn from their relatives how they can provide better help. Head of department Sissel Egenberg at the Relatives’ Center in Larvik Photo: Tonje Pedersen / Larvik municipality – Your life is as important as someone else’s, says head of department Sissel Egenberg and refers to the safety instructions we receive on the plane: – Put on your own mask first, before you help others. She has given that advice to many relatives. – If they don’t take care of themselves, then in the end they have nothing to give. It lights up red! says Egenberg. WHERE THE SHOE PRESSES: By coloring the different areas, you can perhaps see that something actually works well too. Photo: Parorendesenteret.no She believes it is extra difficult to be relatives of mentally ill and drug addicts. – Then perhaps you also feel a sense of shame? she says. Tonje recognizes herself in that. Over the years, she has tried to manage her destiny. Good advice is not always expensive Not all municipalities have a relatives’ centre. Here you can check the offer in your municipality. The national next of kin center can also be contacted both by phone and chat. CAN HELP: Specialist consultant and psychiatric nurse Inger Grødem works at the national Relatives Centre. Photo: Kristin Lindanger Lyse / Pårørendesenteret Professional consultant Inger Grødem says the next of kin are an important group who are given more and more tasks. More people are getting older, but there is a battle for nursing home places. People are being discharged from various treatments more and more quickly. Many seriously ill people wish to die at home. Then the next of kin have to step in. Grødem reminds that it is actually voluntary how much you want to contribute as relatives of adults. – But most people feel a moral responsibility, she says At the same time, everyone has needs for their own lives. Isolation and loneliness can otherwise be the result. – It helps to clear up what you can contribute and what you can’t, she explains. THE WORRY DRAWERS: Helps to sort out what is urgent and what you have to live with. Photo: parorendesenteret.no With the help of fairly simple aids, a lot can fall into place. For Tonje, it helped to get input on whether it was okay to send her mother a Snap or an SMS. – I thought it was painful for her not to be there. I didn’t want to rub it in that we are fine, while she is sick and alone. They talked about it on the course and she realized that maybe it would be good for the mother to participate a little via a picture and a message. It has made it easier to have contact with the mother. – We could show that we were thinking about her, says Tonje.
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“Tonje” learned to set boundaries as a relative – went from shame to self-respect – news Vestfold and Telemark – Local news, TV and radio
