– When I first got him, there were a lot of things that were overwhelming and new to me. For example, it was completely new to me how to get someone to go to the bathroom after giving birth to a child. Mother of three children Ingvild Meling Havnes is on her way to the bouldering hall in Ålesund to climb together with other parents of young children. After driving twice because the climbing equipment was forgotten in the chaos, of course. Each year, over 40,000 parents in Norway have their first child. In addition, there are 30,000 children who are not the first in line, but who nevertheless offer hundreds of thousands of nappy changes, sleepless nights and tired parents. Every year, Mental Health’s helpline for parents, Parent Support, receives several thousand calls from despairing, tired or simply inquiring parents. A jog back and forth in an icy parking lot bumps just enough for Finn to relax. Havnes also gets a jump start on the warm-up. Photo: Josef Benoni Ness Tveit / news Damn, he slept! Photo: Josef Benoni Ness Tveit / news Good thing that the baby call tolerates climbing lime as well as baby powder. Photo: Josef Benoni Ness Tveit / news Prioritizing himself Havnes has done this with two sons before, but now it’s Finn’s turn to be with mum on maternity leave. This one day a week is exactly what Havnes thinks is both the most difficult and the easiest thing about being a mother – to occasionally prioritize yourself. She says that she cannot function without sleep, food, a social life and physical activity – all things that can be difficult to achieve as a mother of young children. – Then I think it’s about finding the easiest place to do it, and that differs from person to person, but I have found the bouldering hall, she says. Gathering in the bouldering hall is just as much (if not more) for the social, according to Havnes. Here she meets both other parents and their children, such as little Matilde. Photo: Josef Benoni Ness Tveit / news – Buldring is in a way my psychologist, says Havnes. She says that she both needs to use her body and focus on other things for a few minutes while the other parents look after the children on the mat or that they are sleeping in the pram. Photo: Josef Benoni Ness Tveit / news Father of two Sveinung Aaker also takes his daughter Matilde to the bouldering hall to spend time on himself and let his daughter be social. – When you just need to handle a young person, it’s pretty simple anyway. I have learned a lot from the first leave, so we are quite efficient at getting out. Here we have the routines in place, he says as he tries to get a spoonful of porridge into a slightly contradictory youngster. – The biggest challenge is probably the three-year-old’s age. But otherwise it is probably the usual things that parents of young children struggle with, such as lack of sleep. That is probably the main problem, says Aaker. And online it is one of the most common frustrations parents seek help with, according to Mental Health. Sveinung Aaker says the biggest challenges are actually with the kid at the age of defiance, but says there have been some sleepless nights with little Matilde too. Photo: Josef Benoni Ness Tveit / news “Is this normal?” It is one of the most common questions that Mental Health’s helpline for parents receives. In addition, there are questions about what time one should call the emergency room and whether it is okay to feel frustrated often. Ida Engelstad is responsible for the Parent Support helpline. She is concerned that the problems parents face must be normalized without being trivialized. Photo: Privat – The vast majority of them actually just need someone to listen and not judge, says Ida Engelstad, who is the specialist in Parental Support. – For example, if there is a mother who has really tried to breastfeed, but is unable to do so. That someone says “you’ve tried, that’s good enough”, says Engelstad. Finn is awake, but his mood is still good. Ingvild Meling Havnes believes it is important to find activities you can do, even when you have small children. Photo: Josef Benoni Ness Tveit / news Lego on the floor and a mess in the bedroom After two hours in the bouldering hall, it’s time to get home. In the hallway of the Havnes family, it looks like most families with small children – a plastic crocodile lies guarding some clothes on the floor, a cloth lies tossed in a corner and some half-packed bags of clothes are in the living room. Havnes says that no matter how much they clean, the mess always comes back, but that this is just the way it has to be. Soon the whole gang will be going on a trip, and then, of course, weasel Finn will have his own suitcase with everything he might need, while mother will have to make do with a frugal packing. – There’s an endless amount of management with them here, but it’s fantastic fun too, she says and wipes some porridge. At home, it’s not time to shower or put away the training clothes before Finn has had his say. Photo: Josef Benoni Ness Tveit / news Havnes says that especially the transition from being two lovers to being a family of three was surprisingly large and difficult when they had their first child. There are now five in the family. Photo: Josef Benoni Ness Tveit / news It’s a mess every once in a while anyway. Photo: Josef Benoni Ness Tveit / news The five-year-old in the house has drawn the eight house rules the family has – rules that make it easier to be mum and dad, as long as they are followed. Photo: Josef Benoni Ness Tveit / news Havnes says that she packs everything Finn might need when they go on a trip, while she herself has to make do with far less. Part of being a parent. Photo: Josef Benoni Ness Tveit / news
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This is what parents of young children most often ask for help with from Mental health’s Parent Support – news Møre og Romsdal – Local news, TV and radio
