– This is where the accident happened, says Håkon and shows off the garage in Løten. Håkon’s father, Tore Lars Lund, jacked up a car and was going to turn it on. During the screwing, the jack on which the car was standing failed, and he had the car run over him. Lund lay without oxygen for around 20 minutes before neighbors were able to lift the car off him with a tractor. Then the ambulance came. – It was very strange. I remember being very upset. I was hardly aware of what was happening myself, says Håkon. After the car was lifted away, Håkon had hope that the father would survive the accident. – We tried to wake him up three times, says Håkon. IN THE GARAGE: It was here in the garage that the accident happened. Photo: Morgan Stenmark / news Tore Lars Lund was in Ullevål hospital with life-threatening injuries for 10 days. Håkon remembers well that mum and grandfather went to a meeting. When they returned home, it was with the news that the father had not survived the accident. – Dad was a very nice person, very caring and very good with children. We had a good relationship, and did a lot of work in the garage together and screwing. I have many good memories with him, says the 11-year-old. GOOD MEMORIES: Håkon has good memories with dad Tore Lars Lund. Photo: Morgan Stenmark / news Seeking help for grief The mother Eileen Jakobsen and Håkon sought out the learning and coping center at Ullevål hospital. There, Håkon got to work with grief, and he got to meet children in the same situation. It helped him a lot. – There we spoke to children who experienced the same thing as me, and I stopped feeling alone about having lost someone, he says. HELP: At the learning and coping center at Ullevål Hospital, he was able to meet children in the same situation. Here he is with Anita Sjøstrøm. Photo: Morgan Stenmark / news Anita Sjøstrøm works at the grief center at the hospital and has worked with children and grief for several years. She says that children are strongly affected by losing someone close to them, and that it can have consequences in different ways. – There is very often anger, and a great sense of injustice. In addition, there can be insomnia, school refusal and a Teflon brain – that nothing sticks. They simply can’t take very much, and they need an incredible amount of rest, she says. In the beginning, it was difficult for Håkon to sleep because he heard his father’s screams over and over again all the time, and felt it was happening all over again. Here you can see the Supernytt feature about Håkon: News for everyone who wants to understand what is happening in Norway and the world. It was Hamar Arbeiderblad who wrote about Håkon’s story first. Calls for better follow-up Sjøstrøm believes that teachers know very little about grief and how to deal with children who have lost someone close to them. – I think it should have been a topic in the education plan itself. They should know more about how they meet the children, young people and parents, she says. She says that it does not only apply to teachers, but that it is just as important for nursery school teachers and health nurses as well. – Anyone who is around a child should at least get a little introduction to how to either help or get help for children with grief, says Sjøstrøm. WORKING WITH GRIEF: Anita Sjøstrøm has worked with children in grief at Ullevål for several years. Photo: Morgan Stenmark / news She has experience that those who interact with children in school and kindergarten prefer to avoid talking to the child about the bad things. In addition, it is quickly done that the grief is forgotten after a few months. – It is important that the school knows what grief work entails, and that it does not stop after three or six months – but that it continues, she says. – There is nothing worse than taking the time to ask how things are going, she says. BETTER INTRODUCTION: Sjøstrøm would like people who work with children to have better knowledge of grief in children. Photo: Morgan Stenmark / news Have tutors The Norwegian Directorate of Education cannot comment on individual incidents, but states that they have tutors who are used when crises or bereavement occur. They say, among other things, that nurseries and schools must be prepared for crises of various kinds, including bereavement, and that this is up to the municipalities to take forward. – We have no basis to say how the individual school handles crises and bereavement, it is the municipalities that are responsible. They will establish a multidisciplinary crisis team in the event of serious incidents, says Director of Communications at Udir, Annelene Svingen. Photo: Norwegian Directorate of Education The Education Act does not deal with crisis preparedness or anything specific about students who are in mourning processes, but regulations in the law state that the individual student has the right to the necessary advice on social issues. This means that a student can get help with, for example, emotional difficulties that go beyond learning and social conditions at school. The hobby helped Håkon and dad have both been interested in cars, and for Håkon, cross karting has been important to have something else to think about. – It has helped me cope with grief very well, he says. Although it may not always look that way, he still grieves. Something that is not always so easy for those around him to see. STILL GRIEVING: Although it has been three years since the accident, Håkon is still grieving – but in a different way. Photo: Morgan Stenmark / news – They have forgotten it in a way, says Håkon. It is something Sjøstrøm is familiar with. – All children say that. Often when a few months have passed, teachers and friends think that you have forgotten it – but that is perhaps exactly when it is at its worst and when it becomes important, says Sjøstrøm.
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This is how Håkon (11) got help with his grief after he lost his dad – news Innlandet – Local news, TV and radio
