– You may have heard that Anna and Nola have two dads. This has not always been the case. Now you will hear how Anna and Nola got two dads … Geir Kvarme reads aloud from a poem that his daughter Nola (15) wrote when she was in third grade. The two girls listen while dad Geir reads. Photo: Erlend Dalhaug Daae / news Dad Sebastian serves today’s dinner. The poodle Freddie paws over to Nola to have some fun. The twin girls Anna and Nola are some of the many Norwegian children who grow up with queer parents. So did Tobias and Bastian. There are no figures on how many children live in rainbow families. When these siblings were born, the parents received a lot of criticism from society. Now they themselves are big enough to tell how they grew up. RAINBOW FAMILIES: On the left you see the Sundberg Kvarme family. To the right the fathers Trånd and Kjell Erik, together with the sons and mother Lene. But first we must turn back time. In 1972, homosexuality was no longer banned in Norway. 21 years later, the Storting passed the Partnership Act, which allowed two of the same sex to register as partners. But it would take a long time before society accepted that queers also had the right to have children of their own. The Sundberg family Kvarme The dream of children was fulfilled when Anna and Nola were born. The girls were born with the help of a surrogate mother in the United States. They are biologically Geir and Sebastian’s children. Geir with both girls fifteen years ago. Photo: Private But criticism hailed around them. When the daughters were only four years old, a letter came from the authorities. The family was dissolved and annulled in the population register. That a child had two fathers and no mother was not compatible with Norwegian law. – We got a hell of a fight, says Geir. According to the law, the girls were not the children of Geir and Sebastian. – I received a threatening letter in the mail then. It said, “You can not rest. I will make sure that your children come home to their rightful parents “, says Geir. After a two-year nightmare, Sebastian and Geir regained parental responsibility. It gets quiet around the dinner table, before Geir continues: – It’s still there. Now I see the girls grow up as up-and-coming, independent people, with all the risk involved in being human. He adds: – Those who were against our children being born. Do they think the same when they see them today? Dad Geir and dad Sebastian are in charge of the dinner. Sebastian is in charge of tonight’s table setting. The pet Freddie is also part of the family, here with Anna and Nola. Anna came into the world first. But Nola came just behind, within the same minute. A normal teenage life Now the days are filled with skating training, school and friends. Around the dinner table, the girls say that they have never experienced bad comments because they have two dads. – I do not think people in our generation will say anything about it, says Anna. A boy came over to Nola and asked why news was there. “They’re making a case about the rainbow family,” Nola replied. – Fat, so good. Photo: Erlend Dalhaug Daae / news In the environment they have grown up in, they also have several people they know who have grown up in rainbow families. It’s been nice. They have never felt different. – The only difference is maybe that I can not borrow so much clothes and makeup and such. Or, dad has a lot of makeup remover and such from the theater, but … says Anna and smiles. Nor have they ever felt that they have missed or missed a mother. – I do not know what it is like to have a mother, says Nola. But they are often asked how they talk to their dads about typical “girl things”, which can be a little difficult to talk about. Like men. – I feel that it is very easy, says Anna, and laughs. It has not been difficult to talk about girl things in the family. – Maybe even easier, jokes Anna. Photo: Erlend Dalhaug Daae / news Should not get the same rights In a study from 2012, a majority of those asked thought that gays should not get the same adoption rights as heterosexual couples. Many were also worried about how the children would fare. It was almost 20 years after the Partnership Act came into force. – It was about religious beliefs, prejudices and ignorance, says researcher Jorid Krane Hanssen. Jorid Krane Hanssen spent several years of his life researching, among other things, queer families at Nord University. Photo: Nord University Her research shows that these children have no other challenges than families with mother, father and children. The only challenge some of the children felt was having to explain their family history over and over again. – Now I think that we in Norway should praise ourselves for the fact that society at large has changed. The gay family At home with the Velvang family, Bastian blows out four candles on the cake in front of him. The year is 1998, and Dagsrevyen is at their home to make a report about the “gay family”. There were many who saw the family as different and controversial. Also Minister for Family Affairs Valgerd Svarstad Haugland (KrF). She made this clear in the news during prime time: Dagsrevyen is at home visiting the Velvang family when Bastian turned four years old. 24 years later, the whole family has gathered in the kitchen of mother Lene Velvang at Torshov in Oslo. Around the table are also the dads Kjell Erik Øie and Trånd Engøy. The sons Tobias and Bastian stand over the kitchen pots. Outside the large windows, the tram rattles past, and the laughter is loose between water boiling water and hot frying pans. – The other children were never concerned that we were a “gay family”. They were more concerned about whether we got double sets of Christmas presents and things like that, says Tobias and laughs. The brothers collaborate to make today’s dinner. It is the sweet potato that is on the menu of Tobias and Bastian. While mother Lene, and dads Kjell Erik Øie and Trånd Engøy follow. – It’s not me, but Trånd that Tobias has got the sense for cooking from. I can not cook. I would rather take them to football and bandy, says Lene and laughs. Like Tarzan Lene, as a single lesbian, had a strong desire to have children of her own. Together with a gay couple of friends, she decided to start a family. In the summer of 1991, she traveled to Denmark several times and received donor sperm. When the boys were born, she shared parental responsibility with the couple, Kjell Erik and Trånd. They have grown up in two homes; at home with mom, and with dads. Here, everyone is gathered in Lene’s kitchen. Photo: Erlend Dalhaug Daae / news – When we hear how much work was behind getting us, we have always known that we were wanted, says Tobias. The family has talked a lot together about how the boys came to be, and also in meetings with others. – Openness has been very important to us. It’s harder to be naughty with someone you know and love than someone you do not know, says Kjell Erik. The boys are proud of how they have grown up. Tobias was proud of his new little brother from the very beginning. Photo: Private They think that their background has made them more confident in themselves, and also more tolerant of being different. – He there is much more open-minded than I am even, says dad Trånd and points to Tobias. – Have you felt that you have been different? – I have realized that there is nothing wrong with being different, Tobias answers. But when he was younger, he had a period where he thought a lot about his family situation. He had just seen the Tarzan movie, in which Tarzan loses his own parents. Then he is raised by gorillas. – Then I felt that you were not my biological parents, says Tobias and addresses the fathers. – I realize I just compared you to gorillas. That was not what I meant. The laughter sits loosely around the dinner table, before he explains further: – But I do not think there is anything different from what the adoptees can feel. Were the opponents right? The boys say that they have never been bullied, despite the fact that it was the argument against gays having children. They actually find it rather strange to think that many at the time thought that their upbringing was “wrong”. – That argument has fascinated me many times. Many who have nothing to do with the case have meant a great deal. I think it’s pretty silly, says Tobias. The parents thought a lot about whether the children would experience bullying because of their choices. That was not the case. Photo: Private Mamma Lene tried to give the boys rehearsed answers, so they would not have to answer for a choice made by the parents. But they have never had to use it, according to Tobias. – People are just very curious, and then I explain how it is connected. It’s actually a pretty good icebreaker, he says with a smile. Nun at the door A lot has happened since Bastian, Tobias, Anna and Nola were born. Today, it is not as difficult to explain to others what a rainbow family is. Fewer men and women are negative about parental rights in 2017 than in 2008, surveys of the population’s attitudes in 2008-2013-2017 show. Fewer people are worried about whether the children are doing well. At Anna and Nola’s home, the dads reminisce back to one of the days at the hospital in the USA. Sebastian and Geir keep their girls in the delivery room when they were only a few minutes old. Photo: Private The twins were only a few days old, and their parents kept them inside the hospital room. – Suddenly there was a nun in the door, Geir recalls. The nun just stood and watched them, for a long time. The new parents feared what would come when she opened her mouth to say something. – She looked at us for a while, before she said: “This is God’s miracle”, and left the room.
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These children have grown up with queer parents – Lifestyle
