“I was the one who stole those buns.” “I have emotionally unstable personality disorder.” “I’d rather just lie still and do nothing.” Three secrets from three young students at NTNU in Trondheim. We all have them. Little or big things that are well hidden in our own thoughts. Some darker than others. I have to tell you something Imagine you have to tell someone a negative secret about yourself. Write down how you think they will react. That’s exactly what several groups of people were asked to do in an experiment at the McCombs School of Business in Texas. Afterwards, they had to tell their secrets to strangers, acquaintances, friends, family or lovers, writes Science Daily. The reactions of those who heard were much more positive than expected. – When we think about sharing negative information about ourselves, we focus on the content. The recipients think about the positive qualities required to reveal this secret, says one of the professors behind the study, Amit Kumar. The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. – Afraid of being less liked Why would we want to keep something a secret? Yes, because we think people will like us less if they know what we know. – We are ashamed, regret or are afraid of having our social status lowered, says Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair, who is professor of psychology at NTNU. He says that you and I exaggerate how negatively other people think of us. – And we underestimate how positive it is to appear as a humane and generous person. Someone who shows that you have trust. – Just sharing the secret will be a feeling of relief, says professor of psychology, Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair. Photo: Aurora Nordnes We should share more The professor thinks research is important and that it would be good if more of us realized that people are nicer than we think. – If I tell you a secret, you think; he trusts me. Even if what I say objectively could be considered negative, you become positive towards me. Kennair says that people can tolerate hearing about your flaws a lot more than you think, without them judging you as a negative person. – They rather think that you are the kind of person who shares such things, and that you are more human than they thought. They at work Then it was the gang at the workplace. How much should we really share with them? At work we must be professional, but Kennair believes we need to have a close relationship with some colleagues. – The closer we get to a working friendship, the more natural it is to talk about private things and challenges in life. He believes that sometimes you set somewhat strict rules for how much you can talk about. – Appearing as a real person to your closest colleagues is an advantage in everyday working life, says the psychology professor. He says, for example, that if those who are socially anxious are only given the opportunity to say that they are socially anxious, then much of the fear is gone. – What they are afraid of is being exposed as socially anxious. Then they see that people are suddenly much more generous, welcoming, pleasant and supportive. The darkest The darker your secret, the more you must expect the response to be negative. But even then, you as an individual will probably overestimate how negative the response is. – Let’s say you admit something that you should be really ashamed of. Then you can’t expect a generous and positive response anyway, but you will probably be received much better than you think, says Kennair. Perhaps you are now sitting and thinking about your secret, and that you actually have a little desire to tell it. Then you can take these three pieces of advice with you. Don’t reveal everything about yourself In the course of a lifetime you do things that not everyone needs to know. – These are private things, and it happens that you “outer” others if you tell absolutely everything that’s on your mind, says Kennair. He says that it is a social intelligence not to reveal absolutely everything about oneself. – Not everything is appropriate to say to others. Not in the coffee party Think about who you will tell the secret to. – I think that over the course of a week, you think thoughts that you shouldn’t share with old aunts at a coffee party, says the professor. He also says that it’s good to know that there are people out there who don’t want you just fine. – It is clear that if you share the secret with the wrong person, and it leads to bullying and social sanctions, then it is a huge disappointment. But even then, it is often a relief to not have to carry secrets. The faceless masses Kennair says that we have become a little more open, but that something is shared strategically and something because it is trendy. – You share what “is in the wind” to share. I’m afraid that if we start dividing into big faceless masses to get attention, I think it could turn out negatively.
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That’s why you should share more of your secrets – news Trøndelag – Local news, TV and radio
