The case in summary Mediation can worsen conflicts between divorced parents, according to the family welfare offices. 10-15 percent of parents are still in conflict two years after the break-up, and can get sick from being in the same room. The family welfare offices have tested a new offer, “Strong children in two homes”, which focuses on strengthening the parents individually rather than resolving the conflict between them. So far it has been offered at 10-15 family welfare offices around the country. The parents who participate in this offer must have minimal contact and never meet together at the family welfare office. The feedback from the parents who have taken part in this offer has been positive, and they report an increased quality of life for the children. The summary is made by an AI service from OpenAi. The content is quality assured by news’s journalists before publication. – It was very peaceful when I didn’t have to sit in the same room as my father. I was probably better able to put into words what has been gnawing and challenging, rather than sitting “on the alert”, says “Maria”. She and her ex-husband have been in mediation at the family welfare office for several years. There they received help to solve acute problems, but the conflict continued. – I got a safe base to talk about things, but the conflict was never over. Once one episode was resolved, it wasn’t long before something new came along. Now I feel that even if the conflict is not gone, I handle it differently, she says. Get sick and have anxiety attacks Most of the parents who are in contact with the family welfare offices want cooperation. But 10–15 percent are still in conflict two years after the breakup. They can be so badly affected by the conflict that they become ill from being in the same room, the family therapists experience. Children who have taken part in the new offer have had an increased quality of life, according to the parents. Photo: SINDRE THORESEN LØNNES / news – They can become very anxious. They don’t get to stay focused or look at the other. Then we won’t get anything done, says Birgit Johansen Skifjell. She is a psychologist with a specialization in family psychology at the Grenland family protection office. Have tried everything The parents are often regulars at the family welfare offices. They have often tried mediation, cooperation classes and the legal system without it helping them further. The offer to these parents has not helped enough, the family welfare offices admit. Instead, the mediation may intensify the conflict, according to research. Family therapists have been frustrated that they are unable to help these families. Several of the country’s family welfare offices have now tested a new call service, “Strong children in two homes”. The aim is no longer to resolve the conflict between the parents, but to strengthen them as parents individually, says Jan Kristian Stokkebekk. Senior adviser and family therapist, Jan Kristian Stokkebekk, in Bufetat. He is a senior adviser and family therapist at the specialist center for violence and high conflict in Bufetat, and has researched the model. The change in the talks is a change of course in Norwegian family protection, and also arouses interest internationally, he says. The hope is that all the family welfare offices will offer it in the long term, says Stokkebekk. The goal is not to resolve the conflict. Grenland Family Welfare Office is among the offices that started the offer last year. The parents who agree to participate must have as little contact as possible, and never meet together at the family welfare office. Meeting the parents separately makes a difference, the family therapists experience. – Distance can be good. Conflict drains a lot of energy. We help shift the focus, so that they don’t think about the conflict. – Reinforcing what is good releases positive energy, says therapist Janne Holmer Fredriksen. They experience that the parents lower their shoulders and gain a different capacity to look at themselves and the children. – This means that they can work more on how to be parents and become more focused on the child and the child’s needs, says Skifjell. Parents who have been in conflict for several years must focus on their own lives with the children in the new offer. Photo: SINDRE THORESEN LØNNES / news Experiencing an increased quality of life For children, it can be harmful when parents are in conflict over time. But they can manage quite well if they avoid getting involved in the conflict. Many also feel mastery when they can get on with their lives, and can be preoccupied with friends, school and leisure interests. Parents who have been interviewed about the project have responded that the children have had an increased quality of life, says senior advisor at Bufetat, Jan Kristian Stokkebekk. – According to the parents, the children were better off after they started with the offer, he says. Experience that young people lower their shoulders In Grenland, too, the family welfare office experiences that children think it’s nice to come to a neutral place. The family welfare offices experience that parents feel better when they do not have to meet the other party for mediation. Photo: SINDRE THORESEN LØNNES / news They don’t spend as much energy on the difficult aspects of living in two homes, according to the therapists. – They lower their shoulders when they know that mum and dad are not coming here together. We see that it can lead to a change in both parents and children, they say. Followed up for a year The families are followed up with interviews for up to a year. Stokkebekk believes the offer puts the family welfare offices in a better position to help parents in conflict. This is also the experience of the Grenland family protection office. – We can experience very tired families who come in here and have been in this situation for many years, and say afterwards that the internal stress they have has decreased, so that they feel better. Then we think we have managed to help someone, they say. This was also the case for “Maria” when she started with the offer. – When we got started with this, and the child got a number of strategies to cope with his everyday life, then a lot quieted down. The conflict is not gone, but it has calmed down, she says.
ttn-69
– Not all conflicts can be resolved – news Vestfold and Telemark – Local news, TV and radio
