Although Nadia Ansar was well integrated and had a job as a psychologist where she helped others, she herself was controlled at home. In her new book, she talks about the shame she felt, and that she felt she was living a kind of double life. – I worked with family violence, forced marriage, control and oppression. I had a clear voice and was concerned with that problem. Then I come home and am still checked, says Ansar in an interview with news. Was controlled by her husband Two years after the best-selling book “My fault” by her husband Abid Raja, Ansar now comes with the book “Min skam”, which is also her debut book. Psychologist Nadia Ansar has written a book in which she opens up about her marriage to husband Abid Raja and the shame she carried. Photo: Ida Yasin Andersen / news After keeping their relationship hidden for several years, the two finally received permission from their families to be together. On Christmas Day 2001, they got married in Pakistan. Ansar had grown up in a culture characterized by social control. When she finally got to be with the man she loved, she thought she had become free. – Then it turned out that the control continued. It just got a different name and a different face. It was still the same patriarchal structure that governed many of the choices in our home. Praised for his openness In the book, Ansar tells how Raja changed for the better after several rounds of therapy. She also takes a clear view of social control in the Norwegian-Pakistani environment. Several pay tribute to her for shining a spotlight on this. – Openness saves lives and women like Nadia are important role models and inspirations. Such books should be part of the curriculum. A number of young women in Norway still live in the prison of shame, says news presenter Noman Mubashir. Program leader Noman Mubashir, who is Norwegian-Pakistani himself, believes Ansar’s book should be part of the curriculum. Photo: Robert Rønning / Robert Rønning / news – I think it is so brave that she does this. Not only for herself, but she also gives a voice to others who have had similar experiences. That’s what Ali Rana says, who describes himself as a socially engaged leader in the consulting industry. Was subjected to abuse In the book, Ansar tells of a sexual assault she was subjected to when she was only six years old. – What was perhaps worst for me was not the incident itself. But it was that as a 6-year-old I knew that I couldn’t tell anyone, says Ansar and continues: – I knew it a little latently from when I was little. That you don’t talk about things like that with mum and dad. news was with Ansar when she signed books in connection with the launch. Photo: Ida Yasin Andersen / news Background as a psychologist Commentator in VG, Shazia Majid, believes that Ansar’s background as a psychologist means that she is extra able to tell these stories. – What is special about Nadia is that she has both been given her own language for her story, but also that she can describe the mechanisms so much better with her background as a psychologist. Patriarchy exists through the infliction of shame, and it is so important that you get it described by someone who has been there. Shazia Majid believes Ansar describes the mechanisms in the culture and around shame well, because she is a trained psychologist. Photo: Janne Møller-Hansen / VG Ali Rana thinks some people will not like that Ansar has written this book. He thinks some will say that she puts the Norwegian-Pakistani culture in a bad light. – I think it’s a problem if people think like that. We minorities are not a homogenous group. We are different in the same way through our personal experiences, as ethnic Norwegians are. He points out that it is important that such themes and experiences are “addressed, talked about and recognised.” – It is through this that we move forward as a society, by speaking out, and not by remaining silent, says Rana.
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Nadia Ansar opens up about her marriage to Abid Raja in “Min Skam” – news Culture and entertainment
