I’m a 34 year old content manager. I’m also a mom. I’m a mom who’s content manager. A content manager who is a mom. Both. Simultaneous. I’m at work all the time, and it’s exhausting. Although I have long since lowered the requirements, and am not the mom who makes cupcakes with figurines on or macaroons with decorations, I feel pressured. Squeezed into a corner that makes me not reach. It is expected that we mothers, not only have to work (which is a positive thing), but that we have to be in two places at once, and that we have to be harmonious in both places – successful. It is the “at once” element that is problematic. I have fully embraced the pressures of society, without even asking questions. Something has to change. Long days My working day starts at 05.30, and ends at 23.30. It consists of a jumble of diaper changes, content production, meetings, breastfeeding, cooking, washing, guilt, planning, runny noses, folding clothes, project management, and, most difficult of all, presence. At work, I have to respond quickly to emails, perform in meetings, be available, meet deadlines, ensure that we do not fall behind. Be present. Be alert. Fit sociable. Harmonious. At home, the requirements are quite similar. I have to reach everything between heaven and earth, pick up in the nursery, have dinner ready, wash clothes, breastfeed asleep. Be safe. A mother with a low heart rate. Harmonious. Most of all, I want to lock myself in a neutral, warm room with dim lighting and rounded corners, and stare at the wall. But I do not. I continue. Because moms do not break. It is not without reason that women work part time. It is not without reason that women are on sick leave more than men. A lot has happened since radicalism in the 70s, but not so much. We are just far less radical, and much more afraid to admit that we are bored. We have been given kindergarten places, self-determined abortion and longer leave. This definitely makes everyday life easier – but it’s not enough. Many still work part-time, and far too many are ill. And those who are not on sick leave are exhausted. This does not go together. Pressure from all sides I experience a combination of pressure from different quarters. From work, from the internet, from other moms, from society, from the state. I will raise perfectly, work perfectly, project-led the household perfectly. I spend time on upbringing – research-based upbringing. I even took a course to learn how to be as pedagogical as possible despite studying psychology at Blindern for years. I read research articles that tell about the consequences of raising in the same way I myself was raised, make homemade ice cream and avoid the most dangerous e-substances. As soon as I have the opportunity, I work. Overcompensates, so that pregnancy, leave and care days do not get in the way of my career. At work, I pretend to be a much more relaxed mom than I am, and say things like: “I can only pick her up late at kindergarten,” when I am invited to meetings after 6 p.m. 15. I do not mean it. I know how tired my daughter is at the end of the day, and filled with nauseating bad conscience. It is expected that we will work as if we do not have children, and raise children as if we do not have a job. On the rim When we discuss the wage gap, women’s high sickness absence is often pointed out, often in a discourse that leaves the impression that women are later and less robust than men. The truth is that women to a much greater extent have two full-time jobs. In 2022, we still have most of the responsibility at home. We have double work. In the labor market forecast from 2018, Nav finds a significant increase in sickness absence when women have children. This is an increase of 47 percent for mothers and 20 percent for fathers. The increase in the gender differences in sickness absence is 72 per cent in the first four years after birth. The main reason for the absence is depressive disorder, then anxiety disorders, followed by fatigue and lethargy, and mental symptoms and ailments. In short. We’re collapsing. We are exhausted. We’re on the rim. We actually get sick from this. Something has to happen. Everyday feminism Workplaces must facilitate that women with small children can work, and show understanding that it is more important to pick up in kindergarten than to have that afternoon meeting. The state must increase parental leave for both parents, extend the number of care days, and pay these days so that women do not have to be stigmatized at work if their children become ill. It must be a matter of course that children are more important than work. On the home front, Dad needs to do more. It has improved, but is not equal. If we are to be equal in the labor market, we must be equal on all other fronts. And all co-mothers on social media: Let’s be honest and show some of the truth, not just the perfect. Let’s support each other. Moms do not break up, but many are broken now. Breaking it all together is not an option, I do not have time for that. Perhaps the feminist struggle should to a greater extent be about an everyday life that does not go hand in hand, and which leaves behind hordes of exhausted women who feel that they are not reaching out. At 23.30 I am completely finished. And ready for the night shift.
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Moms do not break – Expression
