It is the end of June and summer has long since laid a warm blanket over the city. Gunnar tells Mikael about his plans – he needs some help moving for the week. They share more than small talk over a cup of coffee. But not enough, it turns out. – Gunnar said he was looking forward to what was going to happen in the future and was only positive. A few hours later it was over, says Mikael. “It reminds us how fragile life can be, and how difficult it can be to look at those around us whether they are having a hard time or not. Not least among boys/men” Mikael Karlsen wrote this on social media just days after the funeral. The cool guy The 46-year-old from Bodø is the sound man who is described by young people in the city as a “cool guy”. But Mikael is also the one who cares that others are well. Young people like that come up with things they don’t want to talk to their parents about. Photo: Andreas Trygstad / news He wants boys and men to know that it is okay to be small and admit that life can be difficult. “How are you, really?”, he wants us to say to each other. And have time to listen to the answer. Around 650 people take their own lives in Norway every year. In 2023, the figure was 707. We have to go back to the 80s to find a higher figure. Three out of four people who die by suicide are men. Nine ministries are behind a zero vision for suicide in Norway. Nevertheless, the suicide figures remain stable. They don’t go down. Help is not necessarily easy to find. Only a few municipalities have a low-threshold mental health service aimed at men. Mikael has several friends who have struggled with suicidal thoughts. But he has nobody to lose. Beate’s father The suicide of Mikael’s friend came like lightning from the blue. The father of four, Gunnar Mareliussen, was 54 years old. He has many who miss him. Beate Mareliussen Aspaas at home in her living room in Bodø. At the end of June, she lost her father suddenly and unexpectedly. Photo: Alexander Kjønså Karlsen / news For eldest daughter Beate (34) it is still a bit unreal. But then it is only three months since she got the phone call from her mother while she was at work in the hairdressing salon. – I got angry and despaired and everything at once. It was very unreal, completely unexpected. And I can still feel that feeling. That you forget it and come back to it. She had been a little worried, the eldest daughter. Beate’s father and stepmother had separated and Gunnar was going to move on his own. That is why he needed moving help from his friend Mikael. Everything was packed and ready for moving. – It has been a regular occurrence for everyone I have spoken to afterwards, that he was excited and determined that it would be good. But maybe it’s just a sign of people who have made up their minds, that they get an upswing and seem very positive ahead. Beate and her three siblings have had good support in each other. Here they hold each other while they clean up after dad. Photo: Private photo The caring guy Gunnar cared about others. He was the guy who made time for everyone and got involved in the Church’s City Mission. At the funeral, everyone turned up; among them tired drug addicts and lodgers. – Maybe it can be exactly that smile that makes someone’s day. And dad was very keen on that. I’ll take that with me. But it also hurts. – And that is what hurts so much, that the care was not enough. He didn’t take enough care of himself. – Do you think that men can be worse at seeking help? – I might think so. There are a lot of taboos. Especially daring to feel the feelings and stand in them, I think is a huge challenge for them. It is still close to the time when tragedy struck. For Beate, it’s about taking one day at a time. – Grief is a very strange thing. It is very all-consuming. At the same time, I have decided that there is nothing I could have done. Gunnar Mareliussen was 55 years old. The picture is from the memorial leaflet at the funeral. Photo: Private photo The collaboration desk between news, LLA and SUJO This case is prepared with figures obtained by the Collaboration Desk, a joint journalistic project between news, the Center for investigative journalism (Sujo) and the National Association for Local Newspapers (LLA). Close to each other Beate says that she and her father became very close to each other in the last year. There is so much that is missing. – Being able to call him and tell him about the day I had at work. Maybe someone said something funny, or someone really annoyed me. In other words, the small, ordinary things that are no longer there. – What I miss most about him is having my dad. – I still go looking for him. I thought I saw him at City Nord. Or heard him. Something must change Beate believes suicide has become a public disease. The statistics frighten her. Something must change, the politicians must do something, she thinks. – Get more money and people into psychiatry. To treat people and make it easier for people to get help with a low threshold. It is no use just using helplines and helplines. You have to meet “face to face”. That’s why Beate talks about the loss of her father. – We have to talk about it. Or go on a torch train. I don’t know if that will help. But we can’t pretend it’s not happening. We cannot close our eyes. Gunnar Mareliussen in a boat on a fishing trip at Landegode in Bodø. A few years earlier he lived in Finnmark and worked in the fire service. Photo: Private photo Just days after news meets Beate, there is an urn lowering in Bodø. Four young adult siblings reunite. For them, it hurts to think that their father did not get to experience becoming a grandfather. – We are talking about a man who had a burning desire to become a grandfather. The children who are to come will have to grow up without what would have been the world’s most “hustling” grandfather. At the funeral, the eldest daughter gave a memorial speech. She hadn’t quite planned the end. And then it became: “Daddy, I love you, but you’re a jerk. » – I have received a lot of comments from that afterwards. Because that… Well, it’s calling a spade a spade, isn’t it? Beate musters a small smile. – So I don’t know. Have it, you jerk, I’ll write on the urn. There is a lot of gallows humor in the family. Have at it, dear jerk. Superdust….. Beate has sewn up her father’s denim jacket and attached the tag he had in the military. She uses it. Photo: Alexander Kjønså Karlsen / news Refuses to seek help What about the experts – do they have any answers? What can be done so that fewer men take their own lives? New thinking is needed to reach out with help to men, explains Knut Oftung. He is a male researcher and professional director at the Equality and Discrimination Ombudsman. – Suicide is the biggest cause of death among young men. The municipalities must work to get a more visible and relevant offer for men. Knut Oftung, male researcher at the Equality and Discrimination Ombudsman Photo: Stina Karin Haugen / news Oftung is not alone in thinking this. Other experts on suicide and associations with knowledge and experience say the same: – It is a challenge to get men to seek help in a crisis. Therefore, the experts believe that we should look at how we as a society are equipped to reach out to men who are in vulnerable periods. This is the only way we can reduce the number of suicides. – Many men are much worse at understanding themselves as needing help. They have a poorer perception of what their problem really is, and they refuse to seek help. Here you get advice on what you can do if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts. Only practical problems Norwegian men seek health care for mental health problems less often than women. Oftung says men often see their challenges with, for example, drugs, finances and cohabitation exclusively as practical problems. – These men are ashamed, isolate themselves, self-medicate with, for example, alcohol, and they have no faith that treatment will help them with their problems. Together with the Equality and Discrimination Ombudsman, he has carried out a survey of low-threshold mental health care services aimed at men. 17 of the country’s municipalities stated that they had such an offer. Only four of these could be found on the municipality’s website. – There are very, very few offers in municipal Norway that are aimed at men within mental health care. The few offers that exist are very difficult to find, says Oftung. Here you can see Oftung talking about men and suicide: Municipalities received 150 million Norwegian municipalities have received money to build up low-threshold mental health services. At the start of 2024, they received NOK 150 million in what are called free funds. This is shown by surveys carried out by news and the Cooperation Desk. Knut Harald Ulland, secretary general of the National Association for Survivors of Suicide (Leve), is skeptical about whether the money has been used as it was intended. – There were no committed funds, so who knows what those funds have gone to? Knut Harald Ulland in the National Association for Survivors of Suicide (Leve) – The money tends to go to what is most urgent, and it is not certain that it is to upgrade the services offered to men in the municipality, says Ulland. The Ministry of Local Government and District Affairs informs news that this is money the municipalities can dispose of freely within the applicable rules and laws. There is therefore no obligation to report on use. Mikael is back at the cafe where they sat three friends together on 25 June this year. Today the other chairs at the table are empty. It is the first time since the suicide that he is back at the cafe. – There will be some memories, yes. It cannot be avoided. But it also feels a bit good, actually. Because it is also a lot about remembering all the good times and all the positive things. The next day he received the message that his friend had taken his own life just hours after they sat at the cafe table. – It was absolutely a huge shock. The last thing we said when we left here was that he was happy and we thanked him for a nice trip to the cafe. Dare to ask – Have you thought about it afterwards, if it was something you should have noticed? – It is only natural that such thoughts come afterwards. What was said? Should you have interpreted things differently? Could you have seen it? – But I guess I have come to the conclusion that I just had to settle for the fact that this was not something I was able to see in any way. For him, Gunnar was the kind of friend he could open up to, talk to about difficult things. – There is a bit that remains in retrospect, that it must have been a kind of one-way communication, really. It’s a bit painful. Martian Mikael has thought a lot after his friend took his life. – There has been something about us men traditionally being tough in the mask. We are not in pain. It is something we have largely created ourselves. And something we ourselves have to work on to get rid of. He has a marching order for men: – We must dare to make ourselves small once in a while too. We have to. All people have both ups and downs. Sometimes it can be enough to talk about the problems. Sometimes you should perhaps seek further help, Mikael believes. – A little “hello” can mean more than we realise, says Mikael. At work, he welcomes young people who are interested in sound. Photo: Andreas Trygstad / news Maybe Gunnar would have liked him to tell. About how fragile life can be. – We have to care about those around us. Because suddenly there is no tomorrow. – And you got the last cafe visit… – We got a huge confirmation on that part, yes. Where everything was completely normal that one day. And we were looking forward to what would happen next. A few hours later it was almost over. So it’s also a bit brutal. Very brutal. The friend who got help Perhaps because Mikael listens and sees, he knows of several people who have had suicidal thoughts. Another friend recently tried to end his life, but was saved. Mikael lights up when he thinks that it is possible to get help. – He was admitted to psychiatry and got help for “the ugly thoughts” that had plagued him for several years. So there is hope – for everyone, smiles Mikael. news has been in contact with the man Mikael mentions here. He says that he came out of the department as “a new person”. There he got tools to deal with life and the dark thoughts when they come. He now receives good follow-up in psychiatry. Do you need to talk to someone? If you need to talk to someone after reading this case, there are several helplines, chat services and support groups where you can share your thoughts and feelings completely anonymously, and get support, advice and guidance: Mental health on helpline: 116 123 Mental health also has a chat: mentalhelse.no. Chat service for youth: mentalhelseungdom.no Chat service from Church SOS: soschat.no Church SOS helpline: 22 40 00 40 Church SOS also has a message service in Northern Sami Cross on the neck from the Red Cross: 800 33 321 Cross on the neck also has chat: korspåhalsen.no In urgent cases, call 113 Sami national competence service – mental health care and substance abuse: 78 96 74 00 You can also talk to your GP.
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Mikael Karlsen lost his friend Gunnar – the day before they sat in a cafe together – Nordland
