What do you look for in a partner? Many agree: The person must be kind, loyal, honest, attractive and funny. And humor in particular can be decisive for a good relationship, say researchers. They have studied 149 heterosexual couples and found out what most women probably already know: If you want the relationship with a man to last – let him think that he is the funniest of you. – The results suggest that men can feel more adapted in a relationship where the partner “overestimates” the funniness of their jokes, write the researchers behind the new study. They also add that laughter can actually be the best medicine in a relationship. Who is the funniest in the relationship? The woman The man Show result Sorry, own jokes were best It is known that most people value humor in a future partner, but according to the researchers, less is known about what this function actually means in an established relationship. And that’s what they wanted to understand better. Therefore, they recruited 149 couples who had been together for an average of seven years. The participants were asked a series of questions on the topic of humor. How often do they joke with their partner? How often is your partner’s joke funny? The results showed that the men told the most jokes, and that they also rated their own jokes as the best. Both sexes, however, laughed equally at each other’s jokes. In terms of humor, men had a more aggressive style. They were also generally happier in the relationship if the partner rated their own jokes as worse. The researchers believe that the findings taken together mean that humor plays a key role in a romantic relationship over time. Recognizing Sigmund Kveli is for many in Trøndelag the term for humour. He has it as a profession, and has been rewarded for his work, among other things, via the award for best text at the Norwegian Revue Festival. But what about private life – is humor just as important in everyday life? – Yes, it is very important. That you can joke with each other and understand the joke. – Who is the funniest in the relationship at your house? – If we would have lived off humour, I think I would have made more money than the lady, says Kveli. But he admits that she has to put up with a lot of bad humour, because he is good at testing various puns. – A deep sigh can be a good acknowledgment of a bad pun, says the humorist. He believes that the research is generally successful. That men can often have a need to be the funniest, and that so-called “dad humor” is part of that. Sigmund Kveli from Lierne in Trøndelag is known for creating humorous revue numbers. He also believes that humor at home is very important in a relationship. Photo: Line Berre Laughter and happiness hormones Using humor in everyday life and in relationships in general makes us more resilient to life’s challenges. May-Bente Høiland-Lode thinks so. She is a speaker and has written a book about happiness. The author believes that it is often easy for our thoughts to go into a downward, negative spiral, where we end up feeling sorry for ourselves. – When you have a sense of humor about what is happening, you change your mind. It doesn’t mean that the negative doesn’t happen, but the way we face it, the way we look at what happens changes when we have a positive approach to it. May-Bente Høiland-Lode has, among other things, written the book “Lykkekoden”. Get the best out of life”. Photo: Julie Vold In that way, humor can make us happier, because we consciously focus on what gives us joy, explains Høiland-Lode. She also believes that humor is good in a relationship. – Being able to laugh at the same things, at each other’s jokes, creates unity and increases relationship satisfaction between partners. When we laugh at the same things, we experience more security and openness and become less guarded. Laughter also causes the body to produce endorphins, which are the body’s happiness hormones. Humor and a good laugh increase the feeling of well-being and reduce the level of the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline, while the happiness hormones increase when we laugh.
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Men are happiest in a relationship when they think they are the funniest, research shows – news Trøndelag
