In the last 5–10 years, people have worked strategically to teach children and young people about setting boundaries. The police have had their own campaigns and a lot of money has been allocated for training on consent. – But those who are adults now have neither talked about sexuality nor received any training on it, says sexologist and couples therapist Live Mehlum. She experiences this every day in the conversations in her office. Several say they experience sexual harassment in their relationship. – Must give him sex It is particularly couples aged 40 plus who struggle with setting boundaries, and most women who experience pressure, the sexologist learns. – They have sex to avoid having a terrible weekend at the cabin. Or say they have to give sex, if it’s been a week since the last time. If not, she will be punished by him not wanting to talk to her. A study from the National Knowledge Center on Violence and Traumatic Stress in 2014 shows that 25 percent of women and 9 percent of men state that they have been exposed to pressure to commit sexual acts. A new report will come in the new year. Those who put their partner under pressure often do so unconsciously, Mehlum believes. – Many are not aware that they are perceived as sour if they are rejected. Sexuality has many gray areas. It may also be the reason why many people make mistakes, says general manager Bjørn Løvland of the Tryggere foundation. More relational rapes The foundation holds information meetings about sexual harassment and abuse for, among other things, schools and professional environments. They notice that many adults are hungry for more information. – The adults are probably so interested in learning more about the topic, says Løvland. MORE KNOWLEDGE NEEDED: A lack of knowledge means that the boundaries for many are narrow, says general manager Bjørn Løvland of the Tryggere foundation. Photo: Private He notices that adults are often good at setting boundaries for children and young people, but not for themselves. – Whistling or giving sexual attention to a child is not inside, they are clear about that. But if you do the same with a strange adult, then there is often more doubt. What we thought was good 10–15 years ago is often not as good today, adds Løvland. It can confuse our inner compass. In addition, setting boundaries can be particularly difficult in a relationship, says Løvland. Are you a victim of sexual assault? You can get help here: The helpline for sexually abused people: 800 57 000 The support center for victims of crime: 800 40 008 At the doctor or local emergency room: Call 116 117 Abuse reception: Find your nearest Police: Call 02800 The emergency phone for children and young people: Call 116 111 Noknorge: https://noknorge.no/ Crisis center: Find your crisis center Various aid organizations you can contact: According to a Kripos report from 2019, 18 per cent have been victims of relationship rape. In almost half of the cases, the partner or ex-partner was the perpetrator. More people find themselves exposed to something unpleasant by their lover, and the threshold is also higher for reporting someone close to you. – Some have an expectation that if we are lovers, we will have sex. The focus on consent may not be as clear for everyone, says Løvland. – You never owe someone to have sex. In some cases, one party may have managed to say no, but is not respected. – The partner starts having sex, and you just lie there like a doll. Although both body language and the words say; no, I don’t feel like it, explains sexologist Live Mehlum. The first thing that happens to you, if you give in to sexpress, is that you lose your desire, says the sexologist. – The problem will only worsen, because you rarely feel like saying yes. Eventually self-loathing may come; Why am I doing this, I don’t feel like it. Both Løvland and Mehlum agree that more information about sexuality is needed. – Look for signs that the partner actually enjoys it, or if he wants to, advises Mehlum. Finally, she will remind you that you never owe anyone to have sex. – It is your body and you decide. If you don’t want to have sex, don’t do it either. You never owe someone to have sex. Do you have thoughts on the matter or suggestions for other things we should check out? Please send me an email.
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Many struggle with setting boundaries when it comes to sex – news Vestfold and Telemark – Local news, TV and radio
