A total of 482 men died by suicide last year. This is the highest number since the 1990s, statistics from the Cause of Death Register show. The government has a zero vision, but suicide researchers believe we have a way to go to bring the numbers down. Lars Petter Kjær knows how it feels to lose the person you love. He has lost both sons to suicide. Need someone to talk to? If you need someone to talk to, you can use one of these low-threshold services: Kirkens SOS: Call 22 40 00 40 or write to soschat.no or meldinger.kirkens-sos.no. Cross on the neck: Call 800 333 21 or write to korspaahalsen.rodekors.no. The service is offered by the Red Cross and is for you under 18 years of age. Mental Health Helpline: Call 116 123 or write to sidetmedord.no. Press 2 for parental care and press 3 for the student telephone on the same number. Mental Health Youth: Chat service at www.mhu.no on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays at 17-20. The service is aimed at young adults (18-35 years). Acute suicide risk? Call 113 when it is urgent and your life is at stake. Call the emergency room on tel. 116117 for immediate assistance. You can also talk to your GP. – The unthinkable became a reality It has been four years since Elias took his own life in November 2018. In the time since, Elias’ twin brother, Benjamin, went into deep grief. He didn’t get out of it. He also took his own life half a year later. – We thought that the unthinkable has already happened here. This will be too terrible, if it were to happen. But that’s exactly what happened then, says Lars Petter Kjær. The whole family was in shock, and Kjær felt what he describes as “a bottomless emptiness”. HARD TIME: Lars Petter Kjær from Sandefjord has chosen to be open about his grief, even though he most wanted to pack it away. Photo: news Thoughts of guilt Kjær tried to put his life back together. He would go to work, and try to keep the activity going. At the same time, he had thoughts of guilt and responsibility. That he should have done more to try and prevent this. TOGETHER: Lars Petter and sons Benjamin and Elias. Photo: Private – There were very difficult thoughts and questions that swirled around, and which I have spent a lot of time getting out of, he says. Kjær would rather just pack the grief away, pretend it didn’t exist. But he soon found out that it was not an option for him. – I found that the way forward was to face the grief and take it seriously. Be open about it, and tell about it. And not least being able to be vulnerable in the face of grief. The grief never goes away, but for Kjær it’s about accepting that it’s there. This acceptance is extremely important and necessary to be able to move on in life, says professor of psychiatry and suicidology, Lars Mehlum. Relatives in the risk zone In addition to being a professor, Mehlum is center manager at the National Center for Suicide Research and Prevention. TALK ABOUT IT: Lars Mehlum encourages everyone to talk openly with those they are worried about. Ask if they have thought about taking their own life. He believes it is important to remember that the bereaved can also quickly fall into the risk zone for suicide. – That is why it is important to strengthen the help given to bereaved survivors, says Mehlum. Some time ago, suicide rates among men were almost 50 percent higher. The focus was on suicide prevention, and this meant that the numbers fell sharply. After this, no further strong reduction has occurred. Especially not among men. – If we are to move forward, and not least close to a zero vision that the government has set, then we must do more, Mehlum believes. Among other things, it should be recognized that not all men make contact with the healthcare system. – Either because they don’t understand it, or because they don’t want to be a user of services. I think that’s exactly what many men can identify with. Wants the state to take action When it comes to the youngest, Mehlum believes that the state should set standards for what schools should do in terms of preventive work. – How would it go if, for example, each individual municipality were to decide what kind of vaccination program we should have for the children? Last but not least, he encourages transparency. He believes it is an important key to getting further out into society with information. In addition to a new regional public information campaign that has been launched, Mehlum hopes that more people will dare to care. – A myth says that you can make someone think about suicide if you ask, but it’s something you can safely ask about. We all have to pull together. Double life It has taken a long time for Lars Petter Kjær to come to terms with the great loss. – In retrospect it is easy to think; if you had only done that, said the wording differently, just thought a little more, I would have been able to prevent the horrible thing that happened. But I didn’t. Now Kjær has accepted that he cannot change anything. He describes everyday life as normal family life with a dark side. – I can accept that I both live a normal family life with laughter and joy, but also that there is another current, which is dark and sad. And they live in parallel, side by side. He is saddened to hear that the suicide numbers are higher than they have been for a long time. – I am very sorry for that. Suicide has terrible consequences for those who are next of kin, it makes me very sad to hear. The twins were closely related. They were both very resourceful, but they also had high-functioning autism (Asperger’s). For them, it could be difficult to understand their own and others’ feelings and reactions. Photo: Private
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Lars Petter Kjær lost both sons in suicide – news Vestfold and Telemark – Local news, TV and radio
