The hands are clammy. Joakim is actually warm, but now cold shivers are spreading in his body. He has just parked the car outside the church. It has been more than 12 years since he was last here. He has seen the white, tall church spire from a distance, but has taken detours to avoid getting too close. The fan in the car is whistling. Joakim sits completely still and concentrates on breathing calmly. He, who is usually cheerful and light-hearted, seems nervous and uncomfortable. But he has made up his mind. He wants to meet one of those who may have been the most angry with him, and come to terms with what he has spent the last 12 years forgetting. Photo: Sindre Thoresen Lønnes / news Night that changes everything Joakim feels a strong discomfort when he thinks back. He is only 17 that night. It is one of the bright, fine April days in 2011. A text message ticks in on his mobile phone. An acquaintance invites him over. They sit and drink and chat. Two girls and two boys. They sit in the living room and listen to the radio via the TV. The music gets louder and louder throughout the evening. They drink red wine from kitchen glasses. It gets late, and the girls go home. While the boys get hungry and want dinner. Joakim has a moped in the garage at his parents’ home. He doesn’t have a key to the garage where the scooter is, but Joakim climbs over a high wall and gets down into the garage by balancing on the studs in the roof. He unlocks the garage from the inside, and rolls out the orange and black scooter. They simmer towards the center while shouting and screaming. But there will be no dinner, everything is closed. It is three in the morning when they turn in front of Østre Porsgrunn church. A large wooden church with room for 600 people built in 1760. The church is located just by the road. The boys have parked the moped in a small parking lot nearby. They stop right there because Joakim has to pee. Photo: Trygve Strømstad They buzz around the car park and around the church. In front of the entrance to the church hall there is a large light green bin, filled with cardboard and paper waste. They push the can around a bit, and pull it closer to the church wall. In the darkness between the church hall and the old white-painted church, the sound of a lighter can be heard. It is quiet around them. The neighbors of the church are sleeping just 50 meters away from where the two boys are now roaming around. There is a narrow, dark corridor between the church and the parsonage. An outdoor light provides light to the entrance area by the church parlour, just a few meters away from where the rubbish bins now stand. Joakim grabs the can with both hands. Then he pushes it over to the side. It hits the ground and stays put. And that was that. The boys never look back. The sound of the black and orange scooter breaks through the silence as it lurches home. Hear the whole story here: Shocked The morning after, he wakes up to the alarm from his mobile phone – drunk and confused. He is lying on a black leather sofa. Feels how his face has stuck to the leather where he rests his head against the armrest. The sun hits the coffee table where there are leftovers from the party the day before. It smells like old beer. The table is crowded with cans, some have fallen over, and there are half-full kitchen glasses with leftover red wine. IllustrationJoakim lies scrolling on his mobile phone. Suddenly he feels panic. He is completely shaken. All the online newspapers report on the same incident, and he quickly realizes what he has been involved in. Then and there he decides never to tell anyone about what has happened. Lump in the throat Joakim has turned 29. He sits in the car and looks up at the tall church spire. He presses the button in the front of the car. The fan stops and it becomes quiet. He opens the car door, hesitates a bit, before walking a few steps and rounding the corner at the new church. – This is where it happened, he says, and points towards the corner of the church hall. Photo: Sindre Thoresen Lønnes / news Joakim was indeed a boy who got into trouble from time to time, but never near anything as serious as burning down a church. After he and his companion were convicted of the church fire, he spent three and a half years in prison. When he was released again, a compensation claim of over NOK 34 million awaited. Even after all this, he got lost in other illegalities. Among other things, he served several sentences in prison for drug offences. Now he sees himself finished with that life. He has arranged an agreement which means that the enormous sum of compensation he has paid will be deleted in 2029. Joakim has got a partner, become a father, and now he goes to school. Consideration for the family is the reason why Joakim does not want to give his full name. He is ashamed, and wants to tell his son about what happened when the time is right. Photo: Sindre Thoresen Lønnes / news He has grown up. But what happened that night has shaped his entire youth. He is more anxious than before. Often feels a kind of anxiety about being exposed. Joakim often thinks of all those who are angry and sad that the church burned down. Now he is entering the church and in a sense on their territory. He doesn’t feel welcome. He is filled with emotion when he enters the large glass doors at the bottom of the church. A baby screams. It smells like coffee. Three mothers are cleaning up after baby singing. Photo: Sindre Thoresen Lønnes / news Through a new glass door, Joakim can see the priest. He who lost his job the night the church burned. The glass door makes a small creak, and Joakim enters. It feels as if the church floor is 100 meters long. He sees chair backs and the huge altarpiece that draws his eyes up to the ceiling and the light. Joakim looks down at the concrete floor. He walks towards the priest with quick steps. The priest extends his hand. They meet in a handshake. Joakim trembles in his voice. His hand is cold. His voice is low, and he searches for the words. – Welcome here, says priest Ivar Brobakken kindly. Joakim doesn’t answer, he just starts with what he has planned to say. – I’m terribly sorry for that, his voice cracks when he tries to put into words what he feels. He glares at the priest before finding his way back to the tops of his shoes. – It was never my intention to burn down the church. I am very ashamed, says Joakim, before he stops. Now he is being replaced by the retired priest. – I understand that you are sorry for what happened. I appreciate you coming here and apologizing. Angry In the time after the fire, Ivar Brobakken felt anger and many difficult emotions. It has been difficult to accept that the large, beautiful church with all its history should be lost because of a boy’s streak that got out of hand. Photo: Sindre Thoresen Lønnes / news – I have been angry with you, Joakim, I have. Afterwards, I used my energy to help create something new. Now with this church there is a new life for us in the congregation, and also for you, Joakim, says Ivar Brobakken. The two stay and talk. The lump that was at the very top of the throat is gradually letting go. – This is what I was hoping for, that opening up about the pain might help me so that I can move on. I have to learn to accept what has happened, says Joakim. Photo: Sindre Thoresen Lønnes / news Joakim has spent a lot of energy processing what happened that night. He has repented. At night, he has been lying in bed thinking about how everything could have been different, if he hadn’t knocked over the big can. Or if he had turned and gone back when the can was lying there, tumbled against the church wall. But he hasn’t been able to finish it. Now, after the meeting with the priest, he is clearly relieved, but takes some of the seriousness with him into the winter darkness. – Now it feels as if something has changed. Maybe I can get on now, says Joakim. The other man who was sentenced for the church fire has been offered to contribute to this article, but has not wanted to. Photo: Sindre Thoresen Lønnes / news
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Joakim back at the scene – Vestfold and Telemark
