– I was with my grandparents a lot in my childhood, but it never occurred to me to ask them about their lives. They were so curious about mine, says Julie Strand Klausen from Haugesund, now living in Bergen. In 2015, something happened that made Julie realize that she didn’t really know her grandfather very well. Three years later he died. At the bottom of the case, you will get tips on how you can break the pattern and get to know those around you. Who is grandfather? – When I started studying geography in 2015, it felt like I was making a career choice quite far from the path my family has taken, says Julie. Her family consists of many doctors and teachers. She felt that her choice of study broke with her family’s traditions and expectations. Nature and sustainability have become an important part of Julie. It was an interest that particularly flourished after she got to know her grandfather better. Photo: Privat But it turned out that she had actually followed in a family member’s footsteps without knowing it. – When I came home in the autumn holidays after starting my studies, I visited my grandparents. Then grandfather said: “Yes, but then you will get my books!” Julie was surprised. Why had she never known that her grandfather had studied geography? – In his twenties he had traveled around the entire coast of Western Norway to collect information for a research study. It opened a whole new door for Julie, and she asked herself the question: “What else do I not know about you?” The nearest and the farthest Professor of clinical psychology at the University of Bergen, Elisabeth Flo-Groeneboom, says that this is not unusual. – You may not fully realize that you have limited time with your grandparents. So you may not talk to them much or get to know them until it is too late. Elisabeth Flo-Groeneboom believes that the young do not need to carefully adapt or their approach, but rather talk to their grandparents like any other person. – They are more robust than anyone thinks. Photo: Theodor Flo-Groeneboom Flo-Groeneboom says that more people can probably identify with the problem now than before. There are two reasons for this in particular: We have children later than before. This means that time with the grandparents is more limited. Norwegian culture. In Norway, it is more common to be more distant from the extended family. There are good offers for the home services and nursing homes and therefore intergenerational housing is less common. In addition, the family is often scattered around the country, as young people travel to study. Therefore, it is not unusual that you can sit around the table this Christmas with people whom you consider close to you, but whose history you still do not know. – How can one break out of this pattern? – The most important thing as a young person is to put aside any ideas you might have about what an older person thinks, wants or has based on experience. Rather, think of them as any person you want to get to know, says Flo-Groeneboom. A good aid is not to think of the elderly as a holistic group, but that everyone in that group is an individual. – Research has shown that the mistake you most often make is not talking to them about the important, but perhaps also demanding topics in life before it is too late. – Therefore, be more concerned about the missed calls than about saying something wrong, says the professor. Turned the relationship upside down This revelation came to Julie in the autumn of 2015. And her relationship with her grandfather changed quickly. She turned the relationship between them upside down and started asking him questions, even though for years it had gone the other way. – My grandparents have always been good at telling stories and sharing. But they never talked about their youth period. The grandfather was born in 1925. He therefore experienced the Second World War as a youth. And Julie learned something that may be responsible for her entire existence. When Julie saw Max Manu’s film with the family, someone in the family said that her grandfather’s name was one of those thrown into the fireplace. And if that hadn’t happened, he would have been drawn into the war. It could change a lot. Perhaps the grandfather and grandmother had never met. And Julie would never be here today. More information led to more questions: – I started asking about how my grandparents met. And it was a 17 May. Grandpa followed grandma all the way home. In 1951 they married. The grandfather had a close relationship with the grandchildren and spent a lot of time with them in their hometown of Haugesund. “Guess who’s the loser – the winner?” The stories came like pearls on a string, and she got to know her grandfather as something completely different than just a side character. Julie got to know her grandfather as the main character in his own life: Georg Godtfred Klausen. Just three years after the revelation, the grandfather died. And Julie is still left with many questions she will never get answers to. – I wish I knew more. That I had started asking a little earlier. In 2016, the family celebrated Christmas together for the last time. The following year, Georg was in hospital at Christmas. Photo: The Klausen family’s album Best friends with a 66-year age difference Some who have used their time well from the start are Linnea (20) and Åse Helgesen (86). Åse is Linnea’s great-grandmother. The two are best friends. – There is something very special about Linnea, says Åse, while stroking her great-granddaughter’s cheek. Great-grandmother Åse says that her late husband loved having all his grandchildren and great-grandchildren visit. Once he was joking, she thinks, and said that Åse had to sleep on the sofa so that absolutely all the grandchildren could sleep in their room. Photo: Karoline Forberg / news Throughout her childhood, Linnea slept with her great-grandmother as often as possible. – What is the secret to becoming as close as you two? – We can talk about everything. It is very important, for the young too, says great-grandmother Åse. – She was the first one I told that I got my period, says Linnea and laughs. She says that great-grandmother Åse has always been open with her about everything. – I have no secrets from you, says Åse. But then Linnea’s face twitches. – I may have some secrets, but great-grandmother is completely open. She always has been. At the bottom of the case, Linnea asks her great-grandmother a question. Then Linnea hears something completely new about her great-grandmother and laughter echoes in the room. Photo: Karoline Forberg / news They have a TikTok account together, with 16,500 followers, where they do everything from dancing to tasting new candies. – I get a number of comments from young people where they write that they wish they were as close to their grandparents, says Linnea. She believes that there are many young people who can identify with the feeling of not knowing their grandparents very well. Elderly loneliness increases at Christmas – We know that loneliness tends to increase during major holidays, such as Christmas, says Geir Selbæk. He is head of research at the National Center for Aging and Health. In a research study that Selbæk is involved in, it appears that approximately one in four people over the age of 60 feel lonely. Selbæk says that in recent decades there seems to have been a growing divide between the two generations, because both grandchildren and grandparents are concerned with living their own lives. Something that may turn out to be unsustainable. – A study shows that caring for grandchildren is one of the things that can reduce loneliness in the elderly, says Selbæk. Major events, such as Christmas, intensify the feeling of loneliness among those affected. And 1/4 of the elderly over the age of 60 feel lonely. Illustration: Marco Vaglieri / news – Do you think that a good conversation with a grandparent at Christmas can affect their feelings of loneliness? – I certainly think so, says Selbæk. Tip: You can ask this about this Christmas (and the rest of the year) “What is the best thing about Christmas for you?” Selbæk advises you to ask your grandparents this question. The question can open up a conversation about the past. – I think that getting old is a lot about memories and smells. Maybe they talk about a smell that is Christmas for them? Smells sit deeper in our brains than other sensory impressions. “What were you like at my age?” That’s what Linnea asks her great-grandmother about. And even though they are best friends and thought they knew everything about each other, Linnea suddenly learns something new. But that’s their little secret. “Where are all the places you’ve lived?” Julie would ask her grandfather that if he were still alive. As a restless twenty-year-old, she moves around a lot. And she now knows what life experiences, experiences and feelings are linked to the places where you live. “What books are you currently reading?” Psychologist Elisabeth believes that you don’t necessarily need to ask about the post-war period to get to know a grandparent, but that questions that address what is happening here and now can lead to interesting paths for a conversation. – Are there any things we cannot ask about? – I think it applies like all other social approaches: normal politeness. I think many people will be surprised by how many experiences grandparents have and how much tolerance they have for different topics. She encourages you to be open and interested, rather than not to ask.
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– I wish I had asked more questions – news Vestland
