It will soon be quiet at Heidi Kristin Wallumrød’s (54) home. There will be no one to cook dinner for. The strumming of the guitar she likes so much disappears. Son Henrik Wike (19) has been given a place on the jazz line at Toneheim Folkehøgskole near Hamar. Thus, the youngest of the three sons also moves out. Wallumrød becomes glossy in the eyes. – I feel tears in my eyes right away, because it’s a bit strange. I am moved when I think about it. But there are no bad feelings. I am proud that he chooses to follow his dream, she says. Heidi Kristin Wallumrød has found the knitted jumper from her grandmother which she believes her son must take with him to folk college. Photo: Hege Therese Holtung / news Having to adjust to being alone Although she has been through two other sons having moved away, she says it is different when she no longer has any children living at home. – The thought of turning to being alone is a bit scary, I feel that a little bit now and then. At the same time, she is aware that she should not feel sorry for herself or think thoughts such as who needs me now. New phase in life There is an upheaval in the lives of the parents when a child moves away from home, says family therapist Bente Skillebæk. She works at the Family Protection Office in Søndre Vestfold and has her own practice. She says that parents can have mixed feelings when young people move out. They can feel sadness, loss and at the same time relief that the children want to get out and get on. In addition, it can be a critical period for the couple’s relationship when the children move away from home. – It is a phase when some people choose to go their separate ways when the “mission” is done, and if the couple feels that they have nothing in common anymore. Many parents may feel uncertain about how life will continue for them, since a large part of their lives until now has revolved around their children and their upbringing, she adds. Family therapist Bente Skillebæk says parents can simultaneously feel grief, loss and relief when the child moves out. Photo: Private Advice for parents Skillebæk has five pieces of advice for parents with children who are about to move away from home. Prepare for the child to move out one or two years before the teenager finishes upper secondary school so that the transition is not too big. A new chapter in life starts after the time with children and young people in the house is over. It opens up new possibilities. Parents who live together should talk together about how to get on. If it is difficult to talk together, it may be a good idea to seek help. Maintain a safe and good relationship with the child. Remember that you are still mum and dad who can contribute and stand up. Use your network. Be honest if it is perhaps a bit tough that your child has moved out and you feel alone. If you are overwhelmed by difficult emotions, find someone to talk to. Looking forward Heidi Kristin Wallumrød believes that there are many parents who are sitting with a lump in their throat these days because their children are traveling abroad. At home, the son is packing and is looking forward to going to folk college. – It will be interesting. I’m looking forward to it. Everything becomes new and unknown. At the same time, I know that I will reach a place where I am with “my people”. Everyone I’m going to live with has sought the same thing as me. – I think this year is going to be great, says Henrik Wike. He will go to folk college. Photo: Hege Therese Holtung / news Advice for young people moving out Skillebæk also has more advice for young people who move away from home to go to school. One of them is to try to be social. It is to avoid loneliness, to feel secure in the new place and to feel comfortable. You need people around you. Feel free to join the godfather week to get to know new people. Get networked. Treat yourself to being social at the start of your studies, but browse the books and attend lectures. Be generous with bringing new people into the group. Say “hello” to those who don’t seem to know many people and ask if they want to come up with something. Keep in touch with the parents. Send a message or snap so mum and dad know how you are doing. Well-being is important. If you don’t feel comfortable where you live, explore other possibilities. Moving to an old house At home with Heidi Kristin Wallumrød, it’s not just the son who packs. Her plan has been to move from the apartment in the center of Hof when the youngest man was due to leave the nest. So the apartment is already sold. The idea was to move to something smaller, but she ended up renting an old house on a farm with fields and forest in the same municipality. Because she has also for several years wanted to live closer to nature, and she wants to grow her own food. The 54-year-old is also keen to have lower expenses. The former nursery manager has this year taken special pedagogy and is looking for a new job. She has many plans ahead. Currently she knits baby clothes. In a few months she will be a grandmother. – I’m really looking forward to that. Heidi Kristin Wallumrød is packing to move from an apartment to a house on a farm. Photo: Hege Therese Holtung / news
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– I get tears in my eyes – news Vestfold and Telemark – Local news, TV and radio
