We want to hear your opinion: Join the debate below! ? He’s not a hugger. He never was. Mads is a social and outgoing man in his 30s, but now he longs to return to the time with the corona. Because when society opened up again, and the distance between people decreased, the stress level in Mads’ body increased. Mads’ girlfriend is a hugger of rank. In social settings, he believes that people expect him to be like her. But what Mads feels is not at all unnatural. There are many of us who would rather not have skin-to-skin contact with people who are not close to us. Unnatural to hug everyone Mads has written an anonymous letter to the podcast “Etiquette”. He asks if it’s okay not to want to hug. Fortunately, psychologist Jan Ole Hesselberg has an answer: Psychologist Jan Ole Hesselberg offers hugging advice Photo: Robert Rønning – It’s no wonder that hugging stresses us out, says psychologist Jan Ole Hesselberg. He himself is happy to be around those closest to him. He embraces his own daughters, right as it is, but also knows that people outside the family think he is physically distant. The psychologist explains that humans are social animals and that physical contact is important for building bonds with others. – Humans spend about 4 percent of their time on body contact. It’s quite a lot, says Hesselberg. In the past, only about 30 to 100 people lived together. Today we meet far more people, but we are not equipped for physical closeness in all situations we come across. Not all people can feel as close. But what should Mads choose between the feeling of being invaded when someone wants to hug, and the feeling of seeming repulsive when he doesn’t want to? Do you recognize yourself in Jens or Trond, and do you remember a little hug story? Hi! Welcome to dialogue at news. Since you are logged in to other news services, you don’t have to log in again here, but we need your consent to our terms of use for online dialogue Not a matter of will It’s not all human encounters that stress Mads. Among other things, he has a clear agreement with his father-in-law. – My father-in-law and I don’t hug, which is very nice to know, says Mads. But feeling invaded in contrast to all other social settings is stressful. Then it helps to know that it is not a matter of will to like close contact with strangers. Because while hugging releases the happiness hormone oxytocin in the body of Mads’s girlfriend, the stress hormone cortisol increases in him. Cortisol can, among other things, inhibit the immune system. Establishing oneself as a non-hugger There is surprisingly little research on hugging, says psychologist Jan Ove Hesselberg. Nevertheless, he has advice to give, both to you who want to become a hugger and to you who want to continue being a non-hugger. – If Mads wishes to tolerate more body contact, it is possible to train, says Hesselberg. But if Mads wishes to continue being the way he is, the case is clear: – Then he can give a clear signal about what kind of attitude he has towards hugging, the psychologist continues, and speaks warmly of humor as a move to show who you are. For example, Mads can make a joke out of the fact that the boyfriend is a massive hugger, but that he is not. “I’m not a hugger, but if you hold out your hand, I can squeeze it!” he can say. The people who generate stress in Mads, he will probably see that several times. Then they will probably think what kind of clingy type he is, because it takes a short time to establish an impression. – But there is nothing to prevent you from making an exception when you visit a country where the culture requires closeness when greeting, concludes Hesselberg.
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I don’t want to hug people I don’t know, is there something wrong with me? The psychologist gives you answers – news Trøndelag
