Imagine you are at a party. During the evening there is someone you like very much. You end up in the same bed. Then you realize that you don’t want more, but you hesitate to say anything. Why is it so hard to say no to things you don’t really want? Hedvig Skalleberg, Selma Grendar and Ina Cecilie Bechensten-Johnsen help each other keep their boundaries Photo: Eirik Sørenmo Påsche / news In a survey news conducted in high schools in Viken, students could answer freely if there was anything they wanted to say about the Russian era . There were several answers about abuse and pressure. Approximately 41,000 students were asked in the survey and 5,200 responded. Two thirds of those who answered are girls. – Please bring rape into the spotlight, wrote one person. Below you can read more: If you have any good advice for Russian, you can share it at the bottom of the article. Focusing on one’s own desires A quarter of rapes in Norway happen at parties. According to Kripos, there have been rapes in which drugs have been involved every year from 2015 to 2019. After 2019, Kripos no longer submitted reports on rape to the Norwegian Police Directorate. All rapes are sexual assaults. But not all sexual assault is rape. Sexual assault is being exposed to a sexual act without your wanting it. The Russian girls Hedvig Skalleberg, Selma Grendar and Ina Cecilie Bechensten-Johnsen at Drammen upper secondary school say they have talked a lot about things that might happen, even if they don’t want to. – It is perhaps because we have not experienced it very closely before. But of course we have talked about it. Everyone is aware that horrible things happen, says Selma Grendar. But not all abusers know that they have done something they shouldn’t, says Bjørn Løvland in Stiftelsen Tryggere. – I have yet to meet a person who has committed an assault in order to commit an assault, he says. Keep an eye on your partner Stiftelsen Tryggerere works to prevent violence and abuse. They have had conversations with over 100 young people who have committed sexual abuse, says Løvland. He believes that there are three points that are repeated by those they have spoken to: Those who have committed abuse very often say that they did not know it was an abuse. The focus is on one’s own needs and desires. The person believes consent is present even if the other person has not consented. Bjørn Løvland says that when you are intoxicated, either on alcohol or other drugs, you become focused on yourself and lose control of where the other person is. Photo: Private Sexologist Tuva Fellman asks people to keep an eye on their partner if they are going to sleep together. If, for example, your partner becomes a bit quiet, moves less, does not look you in the eye or simply changes his behaviour, it is important to get on board, she believes. – Ask the questions “Are you doing well? Would you like to continue?” instead of just driving on because you’ve already started, she says. Do you want to read more about the Russetime? news has asked over 5,000 upper secondary students what they think about the Russetime. And then we made these cases: You have no obligation to have sex – no matter what Another thing Fellman is concerned with is that it is always – no matter when – you are allowed to say that you don’t want to have sex. – Some feel that since they have already done “A”, then you have to do “B”. We have to get rid of that way of thinking, she says. If you feel unsure about what you really want, Fellman believes you should follow your gut and not your genitals. – We can have a lot of bodily reactions that can happen without actually feeling this desire or desire. It’s about simply asking yourself the question: Am I horny? Tuva Fellman hopes the Russian looks after himself and everyone around him. Photo: Celine Bergundhaugen / Under Dusken You decide for yourself As of now, there is no so-called consent law in Norway. But when Løvland in Stiftelsen Tryggere is asked to give good advice to Russians and people in general, he says: – Make sure you have consent. Here is some good advice for a safer Russian time: Drink only what you know what it is. Drinking from other people’s drinks is something you should avoid. Don’t taste the drink of people you don’t know. Use a bottle with a spout. Keep your drink in a bottle that you can have a spout on. Then no one can put anything in your drink. Stand up for what you mean and want. If you feel under pressure to do something you don’t want, know what you really want. A bad feeling in your stomach will be a very good sign that you don’t feel like it. Go with someone. Go in groups, for example three and three together, might be a good idea. Don’t go alone in the forest at night to pee. Ask an extra time for consent. Make sure you have consent if you are going to have sex, and feel free to ask once too much rather than once too little. You don’t want to end up in a situation where you have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with you. If you want to stop, say so. If you have sex with someone but don’t want to continue, say so. You may even start having sex and then suddenly regret it. Then you are still allowed to say “no”. It’s not like you commit to anything. Have fun! Russian time is a time where the most important thing is that you have fun and have fun, while taking care of each other. The advice is given by Tuva Fellman, Geir Oustorp in the Drammen police and last year’s drunk Karoline Nikkerud. In addition to sex, drugs can also be found in the Russian era. Suddenly you are offered something you don’t really want, but still feel that there is an expectation there. To resist pressure from others, the Russian girls in Drammen believe it helps to have good people around them. – It is a little worse if you are alone in it and perhaps want to fit in. I think it’s a lot about that, says Bechensten-Johnsen. Geir Oustorp encourages the Russians to take a no for a no. Photo: Henning Rønhovde / news Head of the preventive department at the police in Drammen, Geir Oustorp, says many people use drugs because they are pressured to do so – only to regret it afterwards. – I think it is important to have made up some minds beforehand. When you’re standing there, it’s hard to say “no”, he says. The Russian girls from Drammen upper secondary school find it difficult to prepare for all situations they may encounter. – It’s scary, of course. But at the same time, it’s awkward to walk around and think that it will limit you from enjoying yourself throughout the Russian time, says Skalleberg. Hello! Welcome to dialogue at news. 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How to stand up to pressure and manage to say “no” – news Oslo og Viken – Local news, TV and radio
