– I don’t have siblings in Norway, so it’s almost like having a little sister. “Lise” sits at the living room table in a house in the west of Oslo and talks about her new friend. She who joins family dinners, birthdays and trips. It is for her own sake that she must remain anonymous. Few know that the two met through the Red Cross. In a mentor family scheme that connects people who have escaped social control with a volunteer. Unfree lives No one knows how many people experience negative social control in Norway. Probably a few thousand. They have often grown up in strongly religious environments. Often, but not always, the parents are from another country. In the most extreme cases, they are subjected to forced marriage and violence. Experiences so far removed from everyday life for most people in Norway that it is still shocking when someone comes forward and tells the story. As Abida Raja did in early September. She describes a life of forced marriage, fear and violence. – I recognize Abida’s history in many of the cases we work on, says Kristin Blomstrand Koch. She is the head of the Red Cross hotline on negative social control and honour-related violence. Kristin Blomstrand Koch leads both the project mentor families and the Red Cross telephone on negative social control and honour-related violence. Photo: Odd Rune Kyllingstad / news – We cannot guarantee that you will get a better life if you talk to us. But we promise we’re here for you. The way out They are contacted by terrified children who send SMS because they don’t dare to call. Of young people who are held abroad against their will. From worried friends and teachers. And of adults who have lived many years in abusive marriages they never wanted. – Anyone who is insecure and insecure and thinks they are alone in this… Don’t think so. Get in touch, have a chat. You can remain anonymous, even when you show up at our premises. The telephone can be the first step towards freedom for many. A friend in the world And when you’re out of it, and perhaps feel a little alone in the world, people like “Lise” are ready to be there for you. There are strict rules for the mentor family arrangement: The mentor family must not be a psychologist or an aid. Do not advertise jobs or NAV services. Just be present. “Lise” does not ask her new friend about the negative social control she has experienced. – If she wants to tell, she will. Photo: Jenny Dahl Bakken / news An advantage, believes “Lise”: – You only see the person. Free of its history, free of its reservations. On paper, the mentoring arrangement lasts only one year. But in many cases it ends like for “Lise”: with a new friend. For life, she hopes. Wants to remove the stigma “Lise” believes she learns a lot from having a friend who is different from the others she has. Younger, from a different culture. With another look: – It has been a revelation that she sees things about me that I did not see. It’s kind of nice. I have learned about myself. Ideally, “Lise” should not be anonymous. She believes that having experienced negative social control should not be a taboo, that we all carry baggage in life. And that no one is defined by their past. – It is possible to have positive experiences, and that is what I try to contribute. History cannot be changed, but the future can. “Lise” and her new friend have, among other things, tried needlework together. – But a friendship is also about not having to do anything all the time. Sometimes you can just sit quietly together. Photo: Jenny Dahl Bakken / news The new life Kristin Blomstrand Koch in the Red Cross telephone knows well: A new life is possible. Several of those they help contact later. Checking in. Sends a message, calls, says “hey, it’s fine, thanks for your help”. Young people who have taken the education they wanted, married someone they love and had the life they dreamed of. Adults who have gained a new network and a new direction in life after leaving a forced marriage. – That is what really gives motivation to stand in this work. We know it helps. Hello! Do you have thoughts about the case you have read, or tips about more cases about negative social control? Or tips about facilitation at school, crime or mental health? Perhaps about something completely different from Greater Oslo that should be taken care of? Feel free to get in touch!
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– History cannot be changed, but the future can – news Oslo og Viken – Local news, TV and radio
