There is bad news about single men everywhere these days. It is portrayed as a social problem that so many young men have not had sex, and neither get sex, cuddling or offspring. And it is women’s “impossible demands” that are to blame for their failure on dating apps. The young men feel generous with the number of likes on the apps, but do not get the same amount of “likes” in return. They take it for granted that this small effort should earn them a lick of ladies, so you can imagine the frustration when the desire is not fulfilled. Hordes of men whine that the ladies have the upper hand in the market. Such poor young men. But I’ll share a little secret: The demands women have on men are ridiculously low. Here are some examples of what I have heard women of my age being charmed by in men: He was reading a book on the subway. He knew the definition of the term feminism. He moved (even with a smile) when he stood in the way of someone at the bread shelf at Kiwi. He apologized for interrupting someone. It doesn’t take much to get a star in the book. Yet men who have given up dating often claim that they were ostracized from society by liberated women. For many, liberated women are synonymous with demanding women, who only consider men at the “top of the hierarchy” to be good enough. Consisting of alpha, sigma and beta males, this hierarchy is the imagined reality of many men. The alpha male is usually at least 1.90 tall, has a perfect BMI and a status job. Preferably money too. He gets all the ladies. Often on the go. The rest of the men get none, or have to settle for what they see as the basic scraping of women, who they don’t consider attractive enough. Below the alpha male you will find all other males. Totally average guys with slightly worse moves on the ladies. Their outfits may consist of yesterday’s shirt and gym shorts, and the conversations often revolve around cryptocurrency, gaming or football. Still, they scratch their heads as to why women look the other way. It’s the modern version of the romantic comedies from the 80s, where the woman only goes for handsome heartthrobs, while the poor nice guy sits at home alone. The most frustrated young men seek community in online echo chambers, which are filled with depression, anxiety and body dysmorphic disorders. None of them have learned to talk about their problems. It feels easier to take what they call “the black pill”, i.e. to believe that you are genetically predisposed to being ignored by women. The women become scapegoats for the men’s existential loneliness. You won’t visit many comment fields before you come across bitter men who post about intolerable women who withhold sex. Does this sound like nice guys to you? Someone you want to date and save from loneliness and celibacy? Dating culture in the 21st century is not for the faint of heart. Dating only through a screen is a poor starting point for connecting with others. Of course, you get delusions about what is expected of you. Of course you feel that you are not enough. The difference is that many men’s solution to this is to become bitter because women don’t lower their standards for them. At the same time, women overexert themselves to meet the demands we think men have of us. Because listen here: There are lots of single women who feel at least as insecure as single men, but they blame themselves, not the men who reject them. Instead, we empty our bank account to buy make-up and skin products. We get up before sunrise to remove all body hair. We are starving. Still, I’m supposed to believe that women have all the power in dating life? More ladies succeed on dating apps because they do more to get validation. If you look at women’s profiles, you usually get a gallery of smiles and pretty outfits, shiny hair, dinners with friends, mountain walks and picnics in the park. Men’s profiles are mostly a couple of grainy selfies with a dirty room in the background. Maybe a shirtless photo in neon lights at a gym. What women are actually interested in, it seems they haven’t given a thought. The criticism my friends and other women of my age have of men’s profiles on the apps usually has little to do with the men’s appearance. It is more about the fact that the profile and pictures are completely lacking in charm. Women look more often for personality, because they are looking for a connection with someone, while more men look only for appearance, because they are mainly interested in the body and sex. The alpha male is an ideal for men, not the dream man for women. On the contrary, I have heard many nightmare stories from bad dates with such types. They like to sit there and show off, and are so proud of themselves that they are completely uninterested in the person they are dating. It becomes like the old joke: No, now I have talked a lot about myself. Let’s talk a little about you. What do you think of me? Dates with the alpha male are the stories we laugh about the most on girls’ nights. Men on dating apps aren’t trying to meet women’s wants and expectations, they’re trying to meet men’s. Women’s interests are largely mocked. Some of the most intelligent and beautiful women I know have fallen for a man for as little as putting on a nice, turtleneck sweater or having a Taylor Swift song on the playlist. Often, nothing more is needed. But one tip is: Portraying women as picky, appearance-focused and superficial is not a good way to get us to like you. Then we continue swiping to the left.
ttn-69
Guys who don’t get ladies – Statement
