The case in summary: Mother of small children Lill Therese Solsem has found a balance between family time and personal time at Christmas, which she believes is important for recharging the batteries. Psychologist Ida Jørgensen Holo emphasizes that the need for personal time does not disappear during the festive season, and that it is important to set boundaries and clarify expectations. Holo advises people to be generous with each other, and to give each other the opportunity for individual time, which can contribute to a better relationship. It is important to say yes to what you really want, and no to what you don’t want, according to Holo. Researcher Marja Aartsen believes that being alone can be good for mental health, and encourages people to lower their expectations of themselves and others this Christmas. The summary is made by an AI service from OpenAi. The content is quality assured by news’s journalists before publication. – It’s really nice to get the whole extended family together, but it’s good to go home and just be at home and do exactly what you want, even if it’s Christmas. That’s what mother of small children Lill Therese Solsem, who lives in Bø in Vesterålen, says. At Solsem’s family home, family gatherings are a big part of Christmas. And Christmas Eve itself is occasionally celebrated with the extended family. But later in the evening, Solsem looks forward to jumping into his Christmas pajamas and watching a good Christmas movie at home. She needs to recharge her batteries. And that’s exactly what many people can recognize in the narrator psychologist, Ida Jørgensen Holo. Ida Jørgensen Holo, psychologist at the Anxiety Clinic in Oslo. Photo: Jarran Flokkmann – The need for personal time does not disappear even though it is Christmas. We humans are wired a little differently, and some have more need for alone time than others. But it is not necessarily so easy to set boundaries and make room for personal time during the holidays. Clarify expectations Holo advises people to clarify what expectations and needs they have for Christmas. – Feel for “What will it take for me to have the best possible Christmas for me? Yes, in order for me to be okay with going to the three companies, or having mum and dad stay over to visit, I need to go for a short walk every day or have a few moments alone.” The clearer you are to yourself, the greater the chance that Christmas will be in line with your needs, according to the psychologist. Photo: Caroline Bergli Tolfsen / news – Then you can clarify expectations with those you will be with. You don’t necessarily have to have a family meeting about it, but for some this is actually a good idea. Or you can add a question or two when you talk together, about how you envision Christmas to be, and what you need, says Holo. Because one thing that can create friction is when the children have grown up and come home. – When we meet with our families at Christmas, we often end up in old patterns. Completely unconsciously, we get certain expectations of each other based on the roles we have always had. – It is easy for parents to forget that the children have grown up and are now different. This can easily lead to conflicts, disappointments or hurt feelings. Therefore, Holo advises the families to talk together. Be generous with each other If you are also the parents of young children, who have parents and parents-in-law visiting, then your own time can slip away quickly. And Lil Therese Solsem has experienced that, but now she has found a golden mean. Although she thinks it’s incredibly cozy with family company, it can get a bit hectic and then it’s extra good to relax. When Lil-Therese needs time to herself, she takes a trip to her sewing room. Photo: Lil-Therese Solsem / news And when Solsem needs to recharge her batteries, she retires to her sewing room. – If you don’t take time for yourself and calm down, you will be very tired when Christmas is over. Before, Solsem was supposed to take part in all the activities and family dinners, but after she became an adult, she made a choice. It was simply not possible to catch everything at all times. – Why have your shoulders over your head and take everything in, when you can stay at home to enjoy yourself and create your own traditions? – I hope more people do it, because it’s very nice, says Solsem. Ida Jørgensen Holo cheers for Solsem and believes it is very important that people understand each other. – Be prepared to relieve each other. This may mean that one is allowed to go for a half-hour walk, exercise for twenty minutes, or have a nap every other day. Be a little generous with each other and make it a priority to give each other personal time. When we know we get some breathing room, we often get along better with each other. Big yes and necessary no Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable and difficult for many, precisely because you feel that you are hurting someone, says Holo. – You can’t say yes to everything, but when you first say yes, say yes properly. And say no to what you feel is right to say no to. Although it is important to set boundaries, Holo emphasizes that it is also important to be flexible and meet the needs of others. – We must not become a society where everything is about me, me, me. It’s generous to visit an old aunt, even if you don’t really feel like it. But because you know it’s valuable to your aunt, and it makes the relationship good, it can be nice to stretch yourself sometimes – I think it’s good to find a balance between setting limits for yourself, and being a good fellow human being for others, says Holo. Photo: Gorm Kallestad / NTB While some people need to practice saying no, others can practice taking others into account: – We may have become a society that is more self-centred, but at the same time I meet an awful lot of people who actually who says no too little and who does not listen to their needs. Lower expectations Marja Aartsen has researched social exclusion and loneliness at Oslo Met. – Being alone can be good for our mental health. Especially if you have a busy working life, it can be good to read a book, for example. – I also prefer to be alone sometimes. I love my family, but sometimes it’s good to be alone. Photo: Privat Aartsen points out that there is a difference between being alone and feeling socially isolated. Aartsen believes that our expectations help to influence whether we feel lonely at Christmas. Aartsen encourages people to lower their expectations of themselves and others. – If you expect family and girlfriend to come to visit, but then you are left alone against your will, the feeling of loneliness can come. But withdrawing a bit can be both healthy and good once in a while between family visits, if you choose it yourself. – Being alone can be good for our mental health. It can be a good way to deal with life once in a while. It means that you are independent of others. The feeling of independence is good.
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Four tips on how you can get alone time at Christmas – news Nordland
