– The first time we met? Last year, April 11. Erlend Onarheim is absolutely sure: – I remember that because it is in my journal. Very practical, jokes Erlend. If someone asks when they met, just log in to helsenorge.no and check. Because the first date of Erlend and his girlfriend Rebecca Nyberg ended a little out of the ordinary. The kiss that caused cardiac arrest You met on Tinder. Chat a little back and forth. Both noticed that the other was so nice. The conversation flowed easily. On April 11, they were finally to meet face to face. Erlend had butterflies in his stomach. He was excited – but also nervous. Because there was something he hadn’t told Rebecca. He is severely visually impaired, almost blind. She would realize that something was wrong, he feared. And he was no less nervous when she rang. Now Rebecca and Erlend can laugh about the story of the first date. But it was a dramatic experience when it happened, they say. Photo: Nadir Mohammad Alam / news There she stood. Close enough for him to see her properly, unlike in the pictures. He saw that she was very pretty. It didn’t help the palpitations. Erlend got excited, waved his arms and broke a glass. He simply didn’t see it. Now I have to say it, he thought. And took courage. Said: I can’t see a bit. Aha, thought Rebecca. Because she had realized that there was something. But that didn’t affect how much they had to talk about. How quickly time passed because they were having such a good time. They opened a wine. Move ever closer to each other on the turquoise sofa. His heart pounded a little extra hard in his chest when Erlend leaned forward towards Rebecca. As their lips met, it was almost as if time, which had been going so fast until now, stood still. The kiss. The earthquake. The body’s drug, right in the blood. The endorphins that rush through you when you kiss are 200 times stronger than morphine. Maybe that’s why Erlend’s heart stopped right then? Ended up at Ahus There was a loud bang as he fell towards her on the sofa. – And then he somehow woke up again quite quickly, and then I ask “my God, what happened now? Did you have a cardiac arrest?” Rebecca had to call 911. She kept her cool. This will go well, she thought. Erlend had not told them that he had a genetic defect that can lead to cardiac arrest. That he had a pacemaker in his chest. It was the one that slammed. The ambulance staff could hardly believe their ears when they realized the couple were on their first date. The woman who drove the ambulance was looking forward to telling her colleagues, Rebecca laughs. – She was like “best day ever!” We may not have had the best day right then and there, but it’s a very festive story afterwards, she says. At the hospital, an EKG, blood tests and other tests were taken. But they found no concrete reason for the cardiac arrest. Then Erlend showed the picture of Rebecca, with whom he had been on a date. And then, according to Erlend, the doctor said “now I understand why”. In other words, why Erlend’s heart had stopped. – Was it simply because Rebecca was so pretty? – Yes, at least he said that. I clearly said that I agreed. The date ended at Ahus for Erlend. Who was convinced he would never see Rebecca again after something like this. She had her doubts. She admits that. But she thought that Erlend deserved a chance to explain what had happened. And he sent one charming message after another. Enough to convince Rebecca that there would be a second date. – That date was quite similar to the first. Only minus cardiac arrest, then, says Erlend. Now, barely nine months later, the two are about to move in together. Soon Erlend’s kitchen will also be Rebecca’s kitchen. The couple met for the first time in April last year, but are now going to live together. Photo: Nadir Alam / news Mix date and ticket seller After almost ten years on Tinder, Erlend has finally deleted the app. He has mixed experiences with it. As a blind person, the modern dating world is not so easy to navigate. – I don’t get much of an impression from the pictures, he says. Colors. An indistinct face. If there are many details, Erlend struggles to see the face. Or if the picture is taken far away. For example, from a distance on a mountain top. Then he doesn’t see that there is anyone there at all. Sometimes he has said from the start that he is blind. Other times he has waited until they meet face to face. Not everyone has coped as well. – Some people are a bit like “that’s not what I ordered”. The mood changes a lot after I say that. It can be painful. But he also has funny situations to look back on. Same picture, two worlds: the first picture of Erlend and Rebecca. Pila allows you with normal vision to see what the image might look like to someone with low vision. For many, the picture will be even more indistinct. Nadir Alam Like the time he confused the woman he was supposed to meet with a lottery ticket seller from the Red Cross. They were supposed to meet at the National Theatre. Erlend was early, because with poor eyesight it can be difficult to find the person you have an agreement with in the crowd. A woman came towards him with purposeful steps. It had to be her. Erlend just as easily gave her a hug. – I notice that she is not completely on board with it. She pulls away a little and looks up at me. “Actually, I was just wondering if you wanted to buy lottery tickets for the Red Cross.” Then it was just a matter of browsing for lots. – Small changes Rebecca doesn’t think too much about Erlend’s views in everyday life. – Of course there are certain things I have to change a little, but not enough for me to withdraw. It’s about small changes in life, she says. In the apartment, he knows his pocket and knows where everything is. When you see him ruling the kitchen, it’s hard to guess how bad he looks. But: would she have been more skeptical if Erlend had told her about the vision before they met? Yes maybe. – In a way, you have a slightly biased attitude towards it, says Rebecca. Erlend washes the dishes, Rebecca makes coffee. In the kitchen, there is little to indicate that Erlend is very visually impaired. Photo: Nadir Mohammad Alam / news She is primarily curious. – I have asked a lot of questions. I’ve been having a bit of fun asking “can you see this? Or this?” And they can joke a lot about it. For example, about when they met outdoors, and Erlend didn’t recognize her in winter clothes. Or the ski trip where Erlend kept falling because he didn’t see where the track went. – Fewer chances If it was visible in photos that he is blind, things might have turned out differently. – You probably have quite a few fewer chances with a visible impairment, says Mia Larsen Sveberg. She is the head of the Norwegian Handikapforbund Youth. And says that many people with disabilities find that it can be difficult to get a “match”. For example, if you have a wheelchair in your photos. Mia Larsen Sveberg is head of the Norwegian Handikapforbund Youth. She herself uses a wheelchair, and has joked about it in her dating profiles. Thomas Bergvoll Alstad But it can also have its advantages, she believes. Because then it is often a bit more thought out if someone “swipes to the right”. – So it is perhaps a small advantage that we have, in that we get to filter out those who are superficial a little earlier than most people do. And for some disabled people, the apps make things easier. Because if you’re going to meet someone the “old-fashioned way” you might not get a chance at all, Erlend believes. A cane that shows you are blind, a wheelchair, can get in the way of a “hello”. It is easier to make a first impression on the apps. This way he and Rebecca could get to know each other a bit before he told about his vision. – So it’s probably a good thing that you don’t say too much at once. You can see how the atmosphere is. If you have good chemistry, I don’t think it’s a problem for anyone, says Rebecca. – On the right track Sveberg in the Handikapforbundet believes things are about to change. – We see a development where the younger people are much more open to most things, she says. She believes it is about disabled people being more visible in society now. More people are used to seeing them at school, in studies and at work, she believes. When you socialize, you also get to know each other. It becomes natural to see people with disabilities in all contexts – including in the city or on a date. – I think there has generally been a little more acceptance that everyone has a love life, and that everyone should be allowed to date whoever they want. Hello! Do you have any thoughts about the case you have read? Or more tips about politics, prisons, the health system, the housing market, facilitation at school or mental health? Maybe about something completely different from Greater Oslo that should be taken care of? Feel free to get in touch!
ttn-69
Erlend feared his date’s reaction to the fact that he is blind
