– We could well imagine an open-minded funeral, says Katrine Bragdø from Mandal in Lindesnes municipality. An alternative burial became relevant when the son Theodor (21) died a year and a half ago. But when the family realized that there was no plan to carry out an open-minded funeral, they found that it was too much to organize themselves. – Then we had to book a venue, get someone to give a speech, carry chairs and decorate ourselves. We neither had nor were able to think about more. The brutality and shock was so great. According to verdbegravelse.no, an open-minded funeral means that the family is free to shape the content of the ceremony. It is common to hold open-minded funerals in neutral ceremony rooms, usually burial chapels. According to a survey carried out by Opinion for the Church of Norway in 2021, four out of ten want a funeral somewhere other than the church. Katrine Bragdø says that she could not bear to arrange her son’s funeral even in the midst of the shock and grief. Photo: Hans Erik Weiby / news Experienced that it was not a choice Bragdø’s son had diabetes, and although it was known that there was a danger that he could die, it was a shock for the family. And when they contacted the funeral home, things quickly became hectic. – It was very busy with conversations and a lot to think through. You have to make up your mind about things, but you don’t understand anything at all. The priest who was responsible for confirmation when Theodor was confirmed wanted to hold the funeral, and the family agreed. – It was a nice and close conversation with her and a beautiful funeral. It was important to have it in the church because it could take the most, 200 inside, at the end of the corona. Bragdø brags about the priest and says that she organized the ceremony when she realized that the family wanted a funeral in a more humanistic direction. – I am left with a good experience, but at the same time an experience that it was not a choice, she says. Katrine Bragdø shows off a picture of herself at her son Theodor’s grave. Photo: Hans Erik Weiby / news – Very regrettable – I think it is very regrettable that you have to compromise with your own and the deceased’s wishes in such a demanding phase of life, says chairman of the Human-Ethical Association Christian Lomsdalen. He says this shows that the municipalities have not done their job in ensuring that there are good and dignified open ceremony rooms available to all residents. Minister for Children and Families Kjersti Toppe says that it is not required by law for municipalities to offer such ceremony rooms, but that the government is working to ensure that all municipalities have it available. – We live in a society with an open view of life where everyone should be able to have a ceremony at the funeral in line with their view of life. Now is the time for all municipalities to raise this issue and see if this has been taken care of, she says. Christian Lomsdalen in the Human-Ethical Association believes it is regrettable that there are not more alternatives to open-minded ceremony rooms in the country. Photo: Monica Johansen / HEF Subsidy schemes little used Toppe says that the municipalities can apply for a subsidy scheme, which finances a third of the project costs. – But we see that it is being used too little. In the first instance, I want to raise the focus and encourage all municipalities to assess local needs, preferably in collaboration with organizations and life-view societies, in order to get the flexible spaces you are looking for, she says. Kjersti Toppe wants more municipalities to take the initiative to establish open-minded ceremony rooms. Photo: Tom Balgaard/news Don’t know right Katrine Bragdø also feels that the church compromised with itself during Theodor’s funeral. – They have their faith to be faithful to. They did it in a very nice way for us, but I don’t know if it felt right to put theirs aside. It is not fair to them, or to us. Bragdø believes that beautiful surroundings can do good in difficult times. – You need beautiful surroundings to be in. A canteen or a gymnasium are not the same. Now she hopes that more people will have the opportunity to choose neutral ceremony rooms in the future. – These are thoughts I have thought in retrospect. Then and there I lost all strength in my body just to cross the floor to get something and I couldn’t think about those things. Councilor in Lindesnes municipality, Kyrre Jordbakke, says the chapel in Mandal is considered ideologically neutral and is used with some adaptation when desired. He also mentions that the municipal council hall and a number of other rooms are regularly used for weddings. Andås funeral home, which offers its services in, among other places, Mandal, states on its website that it has a ceremony room in the neighboring municipality of Kristiansand that can be used by families who want an open-minded funeral or cremation.
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Burial in the church didn’t feel right
