Life’s most beautiful moment, a new child is born. Red, angry, surprised, terrified and round and good as a little lucky pig. “This girl was a hit, yes!” As a mother, I reacted by going on the defensive, even though I knew. As a mother, I also have these genes. I swallowed my pride and bad experiences from my childhood. Even if you are brought up with the belief that you are beautiful as you are, it is shameful to be fat. Born round, very fond of food and little desire to move. Everything was in place for our daughter to grow up. While the other children ran, she wanted to be carried, sat on the neck or wheeled in a pram. She howled in frustration and anger that we pushed. We adults took out our frustration in the evenings. We discussed methodology and who was the best at persuasion. And we got so tired! The last time the 13-year-old was weighed, she refused to look at the scales. Why would she? She knows very well that the weight weighs against her and says: far too heavy! She stood on the scales with tears in her eyes and said: “Mom, I don’t want to see.” It felt like I was going to suffocate. She is not a victim of bullying. The comments still came early. From the kindergarten teacher’s “she’s a bit slow when we’re on a trip”, to the classmate’s “there are some here who have a bit more fat on their bodies than others”, to friends’ “you have to come and give us a bounce on the trampoline” We see a girl which retreats into its own shell. WE have done as we have been told, encouraged to participate on our own terms: “You manage everything at your own pace. You get exactly what you want!” Frequent meetings at the health centre. Fresh school life, swimming, riding lessons, nutritional guidance, played football, went skiing, short trips, long distance trips. As a mother, I am almost exhausted from knowing the theory. To always be ahead, but still feel like I’m failing. She is fat. I’m fat. As a family, we are under scrutiny. We have not managed what we feel everyone expects of us, and what we expect of ourselves as parents. “You and yours can only eat a little less”, we often hear. Well, we’re still trying to do that after 14 years as a family. It’s a tough job. Because when the advertisement for smoking cessation scrolls across the screen: “It’s so damn hard to stop smoking!”, we howl in frustration: “It’s so damn hard to stop eating!” There are temptations everywhere and food is not like smoke. You must have food. At the same time, food is much of the reason why we struggle. There are battles and temptations many times a day. It is also so damn difficult because the shops are full of cheap unhealthy products that “shout” at us. After several hours in the fitting room, I sit with tears in my throat. She smiles bravely and continues to look for a dress that fits. Finally she finds it, in size 44. The shop assistant wants to help, and says she should find a shawl that can hide her powerful upper arms. I feel like hitting. Instead, I say it was a great wrap and as strong as this girl is, it’s no wonder her muscles are showing. She in size 44 smiles weakly and understands that I smooth over. She is a wise young lady. But I, as a mother and educator, also lose it. On one of the year’s four trips to Burger King, when my daughter asks for a large menu, I wonder: “You sure eat me like a man!” I say out loud. My girl hides in the bathroom while crying. Mother can also become the one who hurts. There have been many painful lows for both of us. In a couple of years, she will move to a dormitory. With a tight budget, she must go to the store herself. What will apply? All that she has been “fed” with by theories and wise choices, or the placement of the cheap tempting and unhealthy foods? I’m afraid to let go, because the young can be brutal. Will she be bullied in high school or will they see her for the beautiful girl she really is? And as I sit and write this, I think: Could it be that someone is simply born fat and has to work for the rest of their life with their relationship with food? I think it’s like that for us. The entry is published anonymously for the sake of the family. news knows the identity of the chronicler.
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Born fat – Speech
