My daughter got her first knife for her third birthday. I watched tremblingly as clumsy child fingers handled the implement with the dexterity of a well-grown walrus. It simply took extreme self-control not to yell BE CAREFUL every five seconds. But it went well. Lutter layer cake, as my Danish mother-in-law says. But then came the problem. It all started when mini demanded to use my spear from a Sami knife, as her knife did not have a point. “What?” I thought, it must be a mistake. But no, the knife had a round tip. And when my mother, shortly afterwards, wandered around in Norwegian sports shops, I found out that most scout knives today have, yes precisely: a blunt tip. Irritated, I thought back to my own scout knife, did it really not have a blunt tip? I called my father to check: “BUTT TUPP?” spit fatter’n. “No, of course not, what the hell are the kids going to do with a blunt tip?” Yes, what the hell are you going to do with a blunt tip? The daughter of the writer. With scout knife. Photo: Johanne Refseth Unfortunately, it strikes me that it is hardly just the scout knives that are blunt during the day. Live Nelvik says that her children had a traffic warden for the traffic warden. In other words, an adult who stood by and made sure that the school patrol did its job. This is then instead, as she precisely pointed out, that the children could get the sense of responsibility and mastery it is to actually manage on their own (as the school patrol has done since 1952, by the way). Likewise, child psychologists tell of parents who call around to the other adults at the slightest sign of exclusion from the girls’ group. They must implement measures as soon as possible. Don’t get me wrong: it is clearly appropriate for parents to get involved in their children’s social lives. There is no doubt that when I was growing up in the nineties there were full hunger games in the girl gang at times. Still, there is a fine line here: because life is not for the faint of heart, and it is a very good idea to practice it while you are at home in a safe environment with your parents. Sometimes the children can try for themselves, without two eager mums and a father with a PhD in communication stepping in and intervening. In one way or another, the message has become that children cannot tolerate physical or psychological discomfort, and that our task as adults is to ensure that they are not exposed to this either. Did Tobias Elias get a bad grade in the exam? Call the teacher and complain. Is the usual group of friends about to dissolve? Call the parents together and arrange group discussions. Does the three-year-old want to brave the winter slush the two hundred meters home from kindergarten without a jacket? Prepare for worried looks and judgmental comments. The problem is that the pod with the bad character perhaps most needs the ability to handle defeat. Maybe even an unfair defeat, where you obviously get a worse grade than you should. And that the girl who experiences the group of friends growing apart does not need new glue in the group, but to learn that it is part of life, that she can turn to others for support when that happens. It is not dangerous to experience that you get cold without a jacket on a short trip home from kindergarten. When did it become so important that children should not experience the slightest form of physical discomfort? Perhaps children occasionally need to experience that “yes, a wet body gets cold very quickly.” Instead of learning that mom and dad decide everything anyway. And of course I’m not talking about the classic parenting trick from the 80s, where you said “yes, that’s life, you have to put up with it”, and then leave the children in the middle of the meltdown in favor of a good glass of wine on the sofa. A prerequisite is obviously that we parents stand up and help children to sort, understand and tolerate their feelings. Help them find good solutions themselves, help them implement. And obviously we make sure that the physical discomfort is within safe limits. Then we get solid children who are ready when life hits in their early twenties. However, it requires that we adults dress them up for life, not ensure that life does not happen. Because if we cost our children the mental running track so there isn’t a drop in sight, then we get young adults who have to sit and deal with everything from loneliness to exam pressure and heartbreak for the very first time when they are 19 years old and all alone in the student dormitory . Perhaps the most important thing we can teach our children is the lesson that knife tips are sharp, friendship can hurt and that sometimes you get a bad grade in an exam even if you deserved better. And that despite unfair teachers, friends who disappear and life’s unforeseen setbacks, you will mostly be fine with a little help from those around you.
ttn-69
A generation of pingers – Speech
