It was a late early summer evening that Simon Kahn sat in his living room and calculated how much more expensive everything had become. Electricity, food, interest. And snuff. The strategy had been not to think about how much money was spent on tobacco. Now he pulled out the calculator, and was blown away by the number he saw. The date for the end of snuff was set for the first day of the holiday. It wasn’t going to be easy, not for Simon’s family either. Clean Up Day Simon Kahn is Jewish. This does not mean that it is any easier for him to quit snus than it is for others, but he has one advantage. Judaism has an annual reminder. Simon calls it “clean up day”. – At least it’s not my fault, I thought, when things went wrong, Simon remembers. – At least it wasn’t my fault, I thought, when things went wrong, Simon remembers. It’s about using one day a year to scrutinize yourself, and choosing to do good again, that which hurts you or others. It could be to stop doing something you don’t want to continue doing, or to apologize for something you have said or done. Simon has a bad conscience for his family. He is not alone in that. No more bad conscience When 22-year-old Nadine Philipson thinks of grandmother Kari Fuglevaag (76), she is both happy and a little sad. Nadine experiences the Day of Reconciliation as a respite from a hectic weekday. Nadine experiences the Day of Reconciliation as a respite from a hectic weekday. Being alone with grandma, without the younger siblings, was the best thing Nadine knew when she was growing up. Now he is a student in Trondheim. Grandma lives in Sande, an hour’s drive from Oslo. Nadine has online feira Rosh Hashana, Jewish New Year. There are ten days between the Jewish New Year and the Day of Atonement. The days give Nadine peace to think about what she wants to change in her own life. She doesn’t have to think long. Because she often feels guilty for not visiting her grandmother as often as she would really like. – Grandma is a reflective woman with peace of mind, says Nadine. Photo: Simon Golombek – Grandma is a reflective woman with peace of mind, says Nadine. Photo: Simon Golombek – I can study and work hard, but if I stop spending time on those I love, what is the meaning of life? That’s what she asks herself, Nadine, before she proceeds with an acknowledgment of time. – A visit to grandma’s is much shorter than all the time I spend walking around with a bad conscience for letting it happen. – The holiday makes me calm down to feel how important my family is to me, says Nadine. – The holiday makes me calm down to feel how important my family is to me, says Nadine. It’s one thing to have a bad conscience for others, but what do you do if you have a bad conscience for yourself? Taking control of one’s own life When Sarah Serussi was a child, her family celebrated Atonement Day by turning off the TV and reading books instead. When it was quiet in the house, we had room to think, she remembers. Now she has turned 32, and mother to little Sophia. In the period after the birth, Sarah pays close attention to her daughter, who turned 2 this summer. Own needs have been put on hold. – I would like to put aside the idea of ”the perfect mother”, says Sarah. – I would like to put away the idea of ”the perfect mother”, says Sarah. She has not always used the Jewish Day of Atonement for the great reflections, but this year she will do so. In between, she will fast for 25 hours, as tradition encourages. – Not eating for a day can help me to be more focused on what I want to do for myself, says Sarah. She has several goals. She wants to practice doing activities alone, without feeling bad about her daughter. She must also become better at saying “no” to things that steal more energy than it gives. Sarah wants to reduce her own need for control, so that her roommate can have more responsibility in the home.Sarah wants to reduce her own need for control, so that her roommate can have more responsibility in the home. Nadine and Sarah can decide for themselves that they want to make a change in their own lives. Simon depends on his family to forgive him for behaving badly when he had to stop snuffing. Yom Kippur Kippur or Yom Kippur is the Jewish Day of Atonement. It is one of the most important holidays in the Jewish religious year. The Day of Atonement fell on the 10th of Tishrei (which is sometime in September or October). Kippur ends the ten-day penitential period that begins with Rosh Hashana. Prayers for forgiveness characterize this entire period. You must not work on Kippur. The day is a fasting day for teenagers and adults. Many Jews ask to wear symbolic whites on this day. The helpful feeling of guilt For an apology to have value, there is one thing in particular that is important, says psychologist Johanne Refseth. She says that the person asking for forgiveness must be specific about what they are apologizing for. – You must say what you think it did to the other person, and you must tell how you want to prevent it from happening again, she maintains. Guilt, when we use it correctly, is important because it should prevent us from doing something similar again. And the same feeling will help us to repair relationships. It is needed, let us believe the psychologist, because good relationships are the most decisive factor for human happiness. – I definitely think that forgiveness is a topic that needs its own day! says Johanne Refseth, known as a psychologist with a sleeping bag. Photo: Johanne Refseth – I definitely think that forgiveness is a topic that needs its own day! says Johanne Refseth, known as a psychologist with a sleeping bag. Photo: Privat Yom Kippur is a religious day, but the holiday can also have a universal function. – Even though we live in a secularized society, it cannot be assumed that religions have many fine recipes for basic psychological matters, says psychologist Johanne. A good excuse When Simon was to free himself from tobacco, he did several things he regrets. – Giving up snuff on the first day of holiday was really stupid! I had far too much time to think about what I was missing, he says. The first day actually went quite smoothly, but on day two, things fell apart for Simon. Just this day, he, his wife and their two children had been invited home for dinner by Simon’s mother. His blood sugar was low and his withdrawal level high when he sat down to the table. In a small chaos that arose with children and food and talk, he suddenly started to roar at the whole family. – I scolded them, told them that they were all idiots, says Simon. – Clearing away old grime eases the heart and mind, says Simon. The days without tobacco intoxication lasted for weeks, but the bad mood did not let go. Simon misses snuff so much. – It went so far that my father asked me if I shouldn’t start again, says Simon. That question, combined with thoughts about the clean-up day, gave him a push in the right direction. Simon crawled to the cross, and asked the family for forgiveness. And Yom Kippur has become a good reminder of how he will not behave in the future. But he is rid of snuff. Hear more about Yom Kippur and the four steps for forgiveness in “Kompass”.
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Will you become a better person if you spend one day a year asking for forgiveness? – news Trøndelag – Local news, TV and radio
