– He had been lying alone since he died. He didn’t like being alone. I know he was dead and it was just his body, right? But for me it was important. That’s why she took a picture. Alla Karpenko says that it was important for her to remember this moment. He liked to cuddle, she says. He liked to touch her arm, to stroke her hand. There, at the mortuary, she spoke to him: – I’m here. I’m holding your hand. Do not be afraid. Alla got to say a final goodbye to her boyfriend at the mortuary in Dnipro. Photo: private That was why she had opened the body bag and held him in her hand. A dirty and cold hand against her warm hand with a rubber glove on. It was a sort of final farewell. Always called, but then it went silent When the two met, Yevgeni Bazilevsky was already a soldier. “Zhenja” is his nickname. The two found each other online and after chatting for a week he turned up in her hometown, in Vinnytsia southwest of Kyiv. And he kept coming as often as he could. – For us, it was a difficult thing to be able to meet. I know girls who haven’t seen their boyfriend in over a year, she says to news. Every time Jevgeni had been on a mission, he called her. Until the 17th of December last year, when it became quiet. When she didn’t hear anything from him, she called herself and asked for him. – “Zhenja” is no longer with us, was the short message she received. The 27-year-old soldier had been killed near Bakhmut in a Russian attack. Then she decided to go to the morgue as soon as she could. She wanted to see him one last time. In Dnipro, she had to wait a long time before she was allowed in. – For six hours. Six hours. And then I got to see him. “Zhenja” always said that the bullets did not like him. But it was a shrapnel that had hit the head. His lung burst and one leg was broken. Found support on Facebook Alla followed her boyfriend back to Kyiv where he belonged. Home to a cemetery where she still walks and talks to him. Grief is a lonely thing, but Alla is not alone, she is not the only one with a grave to go to. Ukrainian authorities have not released figures on how many have died in the war. How many people have lost a lover, a husband or a father. According to Western estimates, well over one hundred thousand Ukrainian soldiers have been killed, but these figures have not been confirmed. So Alla is not the only one who goes to the cemetery. Oksana Borkun with her husband. They were only married for two years. She is one of those who started a support group for widows on Facebook. Photo: private There are several support groups for widows in Ukraine. All got in touch with someone who calls himself “We are together”. It was started by Tetianka Vatsenko-Bondereva and Oksana Borkun. Oksana’s marriage was short, only two years. When she joined the group, there were only 15 people, she says. When news makes contact with her, there are 1,300 women in the community. In the group, they can talk freely. Here they can say things, brutal and hurtful thoughts they cannot share with anyone else. – We live in a strange time. A time of 23-year-old widows, says Alla thoughtfully. Not long ago, 50 widows in the support group met for a joint seminar. Here we see Tetianka Vatsenko-Bondereva and Oksana Borkun in the foreground. Photo: private – The group helps more than a psychologist. She says that she felt completely alone in the time after her boyfriend’s death. – The group helps me more than any psychologist could. We are in the same boat. We understand each other completely. In the group, they not only get support in their grief, rage and despair. There is also practical help available. Doctors and lawyers contribute, papers must be filled out. It must be sorted out in inheritance settlements. If the couple has not been married but has children, paternity may need to be documented. Tasks that can be prohibitive for someone who is in bottomless and black grief. Today, Alla says that she lives on for her boyfriend’s sake. Photo: private For Alla, the papers are cleaned up. She sorted them out together with his grandmother. What she has left now are memories of him. The apartment is full of them, she says. She has his coat and pictures. One of them is on her bedside table, and she has his ID tag on a chain. She always has that with her. – My future was supposed to be with him. I wanted to have children with him, but it’s not possible now. I lost the father of my future children. Now she feels that she must live on for his sake. Since he lost his life. – He died for my freedom.
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The widows in Ukraine – news Urix – Foreign news and documentaries
