Cecilie Bolander stood last week with the gold medal in her hand. She has just defeated her opponent in the cage during the EC final in MMA. Cecilie Bolander is European champion in MMA. Photo: Privat A year and a half earlier, she is sitting in a borrowed Porsche with her father. It’s 2021 and they’re going to litter. She is very nervous. For now she has made up her mind. – After my depression, and experiencing anxiety and panic attacks, the toughest thing I’ve experienced is telling my parents that I should start MMA, Cecilie tells news. For a year she dreaded telling her father that she had made up her mind. In a drawer in her room is a letter she never sent to anyone. – I wrote a letter, which I will never read to anyone, a terribly gloomy letter, says Cecilie. Illustration: ALEXANDER SLOTTEN / news It says that she is ready to choose MMA over her family. – I was terrified of losing my parents, she says. Cecilie’s father had several times previously been clear in his condemnation of the sport. Cecilie’s parents had not seemed particularly keen on her taking up MMA. Photo: Private MMA is undoubtedly a violent sport. The athletes often stand back covered in blood. And it is illegal to compete in Norway. How did he react? Identity crisis Two years earlier. The year is 2019. Cecilie looks in the mirror, but she does not recognize the person staring back. – I have no idea who I’m looking at, she thinks. Cecilie was startled when she no longer recognized the girl staring back in the mirror. Illustration: ALEXANDER SLOTTEN / news She says that she has always struggled with depression and prejudices against herself. – Going into a cage and fighting someone is not my biggest problem. I really mostly fight against myself and against my own negative view of myself, she explains. Cecilie fights more with herself and her prejudices than with other MMA athletes. Illustration: ALEXANDER SLOTTEN / news But this time it was more serious. She was at her lowest point in her life. She had been doing judo since she was eight years old. But after a bitter argument with the Judo Association, she was done with the national team. The judo community was Cecilie’s second home and family. Photo: Private – I developed panic attacks and depression during 2019 because I had an identity crisis, she explains. Judo was Cecilie’s life from the age of 8. When she hung up her judo uniform for the last time, it triggered an identity crisis. Illustration: ALEXANDER SLOTTEN / news She is clearly moved when she talks about this period. – If I start to laugh, I start to laugh, that’s just the way I am, she says. – I had suicidal thoughts. I was lying next to my mom thinking those thoughts. And it made a very strong impression on me. MMA became her way back to herself. MMA was the way out of the darkness for Cecilie. Photo: Privat Even in this dark period, she sat with a burning feeling that she should accomplish something. – When I made the choice to start MMA, I thought that now I won’t get any more chances. This will be my last chance to kill the prejudices I have about myself, she says. It made it much easier to go all in. The thought that if she doesn’t get it now, she never will. Cecilie has felt all her life that she should accomplish something important in sports, and inspire others. Photo: Private – And that was not an option for me. So then it was “all in.” But when the choice had been made, it remained to tell his parents. Cecilie and her father sit in silence in the Porsche at the landfill. – I’m an emotional person, so I started to cry when I was going to tell it. And after the conversation in the car, I don’t think he had accepted it yet. They sat in silence in the car for quite some time. – As parents, you shouldn’t think it’s okay for your children to fight, says Cecilie. Cecilie says she had a perfect childhood. – With parents who love me from here to hell. Photo: Private – And I understand that they are worried about me. It is a form of love and I am grateful for it. Horror when you don’t understand She said that it took some time to get the parents to accept the choice. Much was about them getting more information about MMA. – Horror occurs when you don’t understand. So when they got a little more information, they calmed down a little. Once they understood what it meant and that it is a sport, it was much easier. Now her father even dares to watch her matches live. – Now they are genuinely interested in what I do and around the dinner table we talk about MMA as if it were any other job See Bolander in the news series GYM. Right to let money motivate For MMA has now become her job, and it is well paid. Cecilie makes no secret of the fact that earning money and being able to give her parents a comfortable retirement as early as possible is an important motivation to keep going. She believes that more people should be honest about this motivation. Cecilie has learned a lot from her journey from depression to European champion. Photo: ALEXANDER SLOTTEN / news – It is legal to be motivated by non-Urban things such as money, it is completely legal. But I have never felt that was allowed in Norway. But she adds that what motivates her most of all is to disprove her own prejudices about herself. Cecilie’s philosophy One experience in particular has been incredibly important to her. – If I’m going to do something, it must be done 100 per cent. It doesn’t mean that every day looks the same, but always knowing that you have this goal. That is the choice you have made. – I have always felt that I was meant for something bigger. I want others to be inspired and motivated, says Cecilie. Photo: ALEXANDER SLOTTEN / news She has a very concrete philosophy. – What you are given at the start of the day, it is your 100 per cent that you must use up. How much that equates to varies, but the most important thing is that you use it all up every single day. – And that you always know that when you go to bed you couldn’t do anything else, she says. – MMA has enabled me to use every little cell in my body to get a little better, every day.
ttn-69
Followed the dream out of the dark – news Norway – Overview of news from different parts of the country
