It is outrageous that there are still men in this country who believe that women should submit to the man, as we have seen examples of recently. Due to strong personal experience with this, I recognize the gufset from the past. In order for my wife, Nadia, to be free, I too had to be set free. For me to be free, she too had to be set free. There are subcultures in Norway today, where women are oppressed. But their men are also imprisoned, mentally. Gender equality is not just a struggle for women. To break the inherited sin, both sexes must be freed from old-fashioned and outdated cultures. For far too long, women, even in modern societies, have had to accept that men decide. Historically, men have ruled in working life, in private life and elsewhere in society. There are far more high-paid men than there are women. Male managers are in the majority, and they control over 80 percent of the companies on the stock exchange. At the same time, society and gender roles are not the same as they were in the last century, or just a few decades ago. We have been given more freedom. It feels liberating, and delicious. And the freedom my wife and I have found, we are not willing to give up because some religious voices advocate it. Therefore, I am upset to read that the information leader in the Missionary Association, Espen Ottosen, believes that the woman has been given too much control over her own life. He thinks it’s stupid that she no longer obeys her husband, and calls for subordination. He puts the Bible above modern family values, and we should ask ourselves if we really want the tragedies Ottosen is planning. He wants to return to times where such as he had better control. To the old days, to outdated conservative traditions. But he is not alone: there are thousands of years old voices speaking with Ottosen’s tongue, even though most of us think what he says is absurd. What Ottosen and his peers specifically do not like, and which they believe the Bible has clear guidelines against, is that the woman takes more control in the home and does not allow herself to be controlled by the man. One may not get further away from the living situation the Bible describes than how we live our lives today. Nevertheless, they believe, without blinking, that it is still possible and desirable to copy the way the relationship was thousands of years ago. I feel the neck hair rise. I have heard this in other contexts, in other denominations. We have many examples – also in today’s society – of how female subordination plays out. In the worst case, the consequences are social control and abuse. To preach that the woman should be subordinate to the man, is to prepare for dangerous attitudes, and to facilitate mental and physical harm. With fear and shame, the man, and the culture they are part of, have two powerful and underrated weapons that can paralyze even the strongest woman. Female subordination challenges the very principle of universal human rights. That each and every one of us, regardless of place of residence, wallet, faith, age, gender, identity, orientation or level of function, is worth exactly the same thing and has exactly the same rights. The point is not that everyone is equal, but that everyone should have equal opportunities. It does not have women living in such conditions. At least not when these are guidelines she has not laid down herself, but has been imposed by her husband, the faith community and her immediate circle. I was born into these norms and raised with conservative old-fashioned attitudes. And I started my relationship with my wife, Nadia, this way. We’re still together. Luckily. We would not be if I still believed in and practiced a form of subordinate theology. An equal relationship is not only liberating for the woman, but also for the man, for their children and the society we live in. I lived in a role I was brought up in, which needed to be challenged. Now our children are growing up with role models and caregivers who are free and loving. They do not have to copy a harmful pattern where women become quieter and men more authoritarian as they grow up. For me, it is a relief to know that my daughters do not grow up believing that they are obliged to marry, and secondly to obey her husband’s least will. It is good to think that my son can see the value of listening, being humble and compromising, even if he is a boy. They all have the same value, regardless of gender. The goal is independent children who chase their own happiness. An idea that the woman should submit to the man is so distant and so ill-founded that one can wonder how Ottosen with knowledge and will can manage to defend his view. A relationship based on one having power over the other is toxic. A home where children experience a father who has the decisive say in all important matters, is an unhealthy place to grow up. For a woman to constantly have to live with the certainty that her wishes and dreams can be put before the man’s ultimatum, is a nightmare, not a life. And it is a nightmare she should leave, not stay in. We live in a world where women still experience atrocities because there are biases in power in the relationship, in the workplace and in society. Then we here in Norway must do what we can for more and more people to become freer, not the other way around. Fortunately, I think I am speaking for the vast majority when I say that we have not thought of returning. In any case, we must reject the gufset from the past. Also read:
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Gufset from the past – Expression
