Waves hit the shore. Karoline stands on a large rock and looks out to sea. She will go for a walk on Skadbergsanden outside Egersund in Rogaland. A trip she takes alone. Karoline is lonely. It started when she moved to Oslo. – I actually see Oslo a bit like a black hole. You hear a lot about people who have moved to Oslo and found the group they hang out with for the rest of their lives. For me it didn’t turn out that way. Where will you meet them? Where do they come in? I didn’t quite understand, where is it going to happen? Karoline didn’t study, but she started working straight away as a cook. A small environment where she gradually began to feel alone. She also had no social circle outside of work. Caroline. Photo: Thomas Ystrøm / news – “There is something wrong with you”. That sentence went on repeat in my head. “There’s something wrong with you.” Karoline took out a consumer loan, which was spent on cosmetics and clothes to maintain a facade of success, but it made things worse. Karoline in new clothes. Photo: Private – I can’t master friends, I can’t master finances and finally I can’t master my job. Then that voice in the head came even stronger; “You’re completely on the nose! You can’t do this!”. – Inside me it was very dark, and I was very angry. I felt like a fly spitting poison. Everything was crap. I felt very sorry for myself, so I sat and cried a lot in the collective. Turning the clock around made it a little easier. – Loneliness can be extremely dark, says psychologist Egon Hagen. – Research shows that loneliness is a rather life-shortening situation to be in, if it persists over time. So it’s not a joke. He further says that there is then a greater chance of developing several secondary disorders, such as sleep problems, alcohol problems, anxiety and depression. Psychologist Egon Hagen. Photo: Thomas Ystrøm / news According to figures from the Institute of Public Health, the number of lonely people is increasing in Norway. There are no concrete national figures, but FHI tells news that the deviations between the counties are so small that county figures will also apply nationally. In percentage terms, this means that the number of lonely people has risen from 9.8 to 14 per cent. And most lonely people, 26 per cent, are in the 18–29 age group. Just like Karoline. Karoline is devastated. Photo: Private – In the end I got so tired that I just said bang! I was burnt out, says Karoline. – I really wanted someone to say: “Hey, you have to stop, because I see what’s happening here”. But no one did. It was pretty tough. Finally, I remember being completely numb. Yes, that’s how my life is then. I’m just going to be that sad, cranky, negative girl. That’s not how I am. Psychologist Egon Hagen says most people have experienced loneliness. – If you feel lonely, then you are the only one who is lonely. But this is a phenomenon that most people are familiar with, and that everyone has had some experience with. You are not alone, and in that lies quite a lot of psychological support and optimism. The psychologist’s help for self-help Don’t wait until you feel better to do something about your loneliness. Just start! Don’t expect any great mastery or joy at first. Changing your mental state takes time. Physical exercise has a good effect on how you feel. For example: Are you having a bad day? Train! Are you having an average day? Train! Are you having a good day? Train! Never say no to an invitation, even if you think it’s not that interesting. It may be that the person who invites has also invited others, who can make the gathering interesting. You have to think a bit like that in several parts. And then there’s something about reciprocity, if you say no to invitations, you eventually won’t get any. So; If you don’t send a Christmas card, you won’t get one either. Join associations or volunteer work. For example, the Tourist Association. Join us on tours. It is very important that you get out and don’t stay behind the curtains and look at the world outside. Because it is life out there that is the very healing that can lift your self-esteem and optimism. Source: Psychologist Egon Hagen In the dark, Karoline finds love. Love and Karoline. Photo: Thomas Ystrøm / news – I call him my lucky pill. The future boyfriend delivered food to the kitchen where Karoline worked. They had talked a little when he came by with deliveries. – It was love at first sight, says Karoline about when she saw him later on the Christmas table at work. Strong feelings made her dare to go over and talk to him. Then it was the two of them. She tells her boyfriend, and eventually her employer, about how she feels. She meets with understanding and feels a little better, but not completely. – I eventually realized that I need something that I don’t have. And there are friends. It was such a longing I had. Then she discovers that she is pregnant. But when should one seek help against loneliness? Egon Hagen believes that there are some points of evidence that can be followed. – If you are lonely in the first place, and you notice that you are starting to sleep badly. Maybe the alcohol intake increases. You do not use the social arenas that exist. You know that something has happened to your whole way of looking at yourself and others. You almost reject yourself at the forefront in relation to various social contexts, and this significantly affects how you function on a daily basis. Then it may be a good idea to first see your GP, and then get a referral to a psychologist. Baby happiness. Photo: Private Karoline and her partner moved to Egersund when she was six months along. A city she had been warned against. – I was told that it was not going to be easy for me to make new friends in Egersund, because it is a very closed environment. But I didn’t experience it that way. Karoline in Egersund. Photo: Thomas Ystrøm / news After being on the waiting list for a psychologist, she got fed up and contacted a coach on social media, who helped her over time. Eventually she posted on Facebook that she wanted one or more friends with whom she could share personal or everyday things, and with whom she could go for a walk. Several made contact, but fewer signed up. – I just wanted to create a space where people can just come and be. No need to speak once. Psychologist Egon Hagen reminds us that loneliness is part of being human. – When we talk about things like either anxiety, depression, fear or loneliness, or dark bad days, this is part of the package that most people come across when they have first decided on this life project. And most of us find a way out of this ourselves. Most bad things in life actually pass. Two friends on a trip. Photo: Thomas Ystrøm / news And Karoline has now got a couple of travel friends. – It is very nice, and that they are here because they want to be with me. There’s nothing wrong with me, like. And some have come to me and told a story that perhaps not many people know about them. Then I get a great sense of mastery. Then I think like this; yes … so good that you are telling me this, because I understand how you feel. – So Karoline, if I say “loneliness”, what do you say? – There is hope. 100 percent.
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More young people feel lonely – Rogaland
